Goodbye November

Historically, all of the bad things happen in November, so I just naturally expect that annual trend to continue. That's really fatalistic thinking. It doesn't have to be that way. It's been quite awhile since the big bad things have happened (and the worst thing of all didn't even happen in November). So I have decided to change that this year. Aside from the continuing drama of my bathroom falling apart thanks to my super awesome neighbor (which I have managed to handle without having a nervous breakdown or going apeshit on anyone - so far anyway), it's been an okay November. Other than feeling sorry for myself, which is pointless and ridiculous and in no way how I generally operate. It's really time to put some things away for good. Make some permanent changes. Endings are just another beginning, right?

Regarding my previous post about choosing - I am still having a hard time letting that go. Writing that certainly helped, but not as much as I'd hoped. I do realize that some people are meant to be a part of your life for a short period of time and you take what you learn from them and move on and blah blah blah. What I have learned from these people (this person in particular) is probably not a great lesson. Or maybe it is, just a difficult one. Don't waste your time trying to save people who deep down don't really want to be saved. I read something that has stuck with me (the funny thing about this quote is that it is from T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton, hardly the stuff of deep thinking):

In my experience, the urge to rescue generates aggravation for the poor would-be heroine without any discernible effect on the person in need of help. You can't save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don't appreciate your interfering with the drama they've created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don't want to change. This is a truth I never seem to learn.

It's time to learn that. Time to move on. I am sad for what was, not for what is. I don't even think I am mourning what could be. That is not a life I would choose for myself so why would I choose to have people like that around me? People move on and change. This time it is ME, and it's a good thing. So, it's at rest now, hopefully for good. A new journey begins in December.