Does Your Husband Help You?

Chris Johnson: You have 23 minutes to score me 30 fantasy points. You can do it, you've done it before. I am losing the two games I wanted to win and won the one that it doesn't matter (however, I did beat my friend Nick who told me "you draft like a girl" while he currently sits in last place, which is always fun). Pick 'Ems were good this week. I have found that if I don't think on it too much and just click, it turns out better. I'm not having a horrible season. I would say not bad for a girl, but I only play with guys in 2/3 of my leagues, and I am beating all of them. So not bad for anyone. And also, I would never say something as ridiculous as that.

I get asked quite a bit, "does your husband help you?" UM NO. I play against him, why would I clue him into my strategy? A WORLD OF NO. However, I *did* help him last year. I've been playing fantasy football for 11 years. I need no help. JFC. I know more about football than your dad. One of the two guys who asked me that today is getting his ass kicked badly by me. I replied, "Does YOUR husband help you?" Bitch.

What is the big deal with women who are knowledgeable sports fans? Why is this so threatening to men? Or is it? I keep encountering this, "Oh this is super cute that you like sports" attitude from guys. What the shit? My husband knew he was hitting the jackpot when he married me. Aside from my love of all things dorktastic, charming personality, and supermodel good looks (okay, that might be stretching a little), he knew he was getting a football fan. A bigger football nerd than him. There are only a few topics of conversation that ever got discussed in my family of origin. They were: Politics, music, action movies, and football. I was just born this way.

Then hockey: Yeah, I kind of went off the deep end there. I add the "atic" to fan. Zac likes hockey, a lot. We have Center Ice. We watch hockey. All the time. But if like someone needed to come to bodily harm so that I could watch the Wings, I could make that happen. Easily. Zac actually turned off the game and started playing Guitar Hero during the SCF last year. I think it was Game 6. Yeah that sucks, but you have to keep watching. You don't turn off playoff hockey, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Guys, I am not watching sports because the guys are hot. I mean, they are, but that's not why I am watching. It is not enough to sustain a lifelong interest in a sport. But if I say, "Patrick Eaves has nice hair, or I prefer Z with a beard," don't discount me as a fan. I know how you roll, boys. Let's just for example, say that football was played by women and they all looked like Maria Sharapova. You guys would so be treating that as porn and you fucking know it. Don't even try to act like you wouldn't. Like you ever watched tennis in your life before Anna Kournikova came on the scene. Give me a fucking break. Any beach volleyball fans? Raise your hands, don't be shy. That is not a sport, you retards. It's chicks in tiny little bikinis flailing around on a beach. You can argue the merits of that sport as much as you like, but if I'm watching beach volleyball, have no illusions, those dudes better be hot, because I am not watching it for "sports" and neither are you.

It's 2009 gentlemen. There are just as many women who like sports as men. Maybe more. I meet men all the time who say, "I'm really not that in to sports," and I think, "weird, what is wrong with you?" So maybe I should stop doing that and maybe you should just automatically assume that the woman sitting next to you knows more about sports than you do.

13 minutes Chris Johnson. 25 points now buddy. You can do it.