Project Runway

For some reason I am totally addicted to this show. Like crack. I didn't watch season one. Then comic shop Bob asked me if I was interested in Season Two. I don't have cable so he taped it for me. I watched it in a giant chunk at the very end of my pregnancy when it was 5000 degrees outside, I was on semi-bedrest, and I couldn't sleep. It is a totally stupid show, I really don't give a shit about fashion, usually you can find me wearing a Captain America t-shirt and jeans. Occasionally I will throw on a cuter t-shirt and once in awhile I will put my contacts in. But I love this show. LOVE it. Like I HAVE to go get Project Runway on Thursday so I can watch it immediately or I am sad. This week Bob forgot it at home and I couldn't watch it until Friday and I felt like I was suffering from withdrawal. Also he almost told me who made it to the final three and I would have punched him ("Locke in a box").

This season the designers have been really good. I got them. Last season I didn't get it at all. Christian Siriano was interesting to me in a he is a cute little annoying pixie kind of way but to be quite honest, I thought all of his shit looked like Joan Collins could have worn it on Dynasty and it had zero relevance to the new millennium. I thought it was horrendous. I did like his use of "fierce" and "hot mess" but Zac was beyond fucking annoyed with him and pissed off that he won and vowed to never watch another episode of that show. And he secretly loves that shit. I have got him hooked on America's Next Top Model AND Big Brother.

I really liked Blayne even though I knew he would not win. He was adorable and even though his pooping fabric thingey was atrocious, it was interesting to look at and actually Avant Garde. Kenley's outfit was just absurd. So let's go there.

Kenley. She is beautiful and I LOVE her personal style. And I adore her little '50's shit. But she is the most annoying person ever to appear on Project Runway. Even Suede with his third person shit was less annoying than her. It seemed after a few weeks that she was not taking it very seriously. All of her eye rolling bugged the crap out of me. Then when she started talking back to Tim Gunn - OH NO YOU DIDN'T. I love me some Tim Gunn. He did not get chosen to appear on that show because he doesn't know shit about fashion. He is a guru. And she is a douchebag. And she only got worse. And did you notice that her accent got more and more nasaly and whiny as the season went on? And I know nasaly. I am from WI. I hoped and hoped she would not make it to the final three just because someone with an attitude like that does not deserve to be there. But then I saw that wedding dress. Be still my heart. I want that dress. I am already married but I would wear that dress just prancing around my house. I knew she was in. And her bridesmaid dress was fucking awesome too. And that made me sad. Because...

I knew Jerell would be out. And I love Jerell. He reminds me of my BFF Matt. Hot, stylish, confident, talented, etc. He was good and he won the final challenge so he should have automatically been on to Bryant Park and that just SUCKED. His dresses were atrocious IMO and so was his collection, but it still wasn't fair. I wasn't ready for him to be done.

Korto rocks and she better win. She is normal and I love her. And her beadwork is the bomb. And she is just cool. And I loved everything she did. Even if I would never wear it. And Tim told her that her collection was stunning when he went to visit her so I think she has a good shot.

Leanne has zero fashion sense when it comes to herself. I love her stuff, but she is a one trick pony with all that wavy shit. Her wedding dress was pretty and her bridesmaid dress too. But what? Are you going to put wavy annoying shit on all of your clothes? Women with hips cannot wear that shit. I know you are designing for stick figures but you are never going to have a Leanne for Macy's line with that. Ever. Korto can make clothes regular people can wear. I mean Michael Kors makes clothes for regular people as well as his fancy crap. That is how you rake in the big bucks.

But Kenley will win. That is my prediction. Something about Project Runway - they just want the most annoying person on Earth to win that show. What the fuck? If I lived in Ireland where you can bet on anything, I'd bet the farm on it.

Oh well, Top Chef starts in November.

Jean-Claude Van Damme

I was looking for a picture of him doing the splits between two chairs because he seriously finds a way to do that in every single movie he is in, right? But I'm lazy and this is the best I can do for right now.

I kinda love Jean-Claude Van Damme. In that cheesy sort of way. I do realize he is a massive d-bag and not at all cool and that they should have made him stop making movies about 15 years ago, but whatever. He used to be hot.

We were at Target the other day and you know how they do those multi-pack DVDs now? Well they had a Jean-Claude Van Damme one. It had Kickboxer, Replicant, and Universal Soldier on it. Ehhh... not quite. If it had the trifecta of Kickboxer, Bloodsport, and Universal Soldier, I would have bought it in a fucking heartbeat, despite the "you should have mentioned this to me BEFORE we got married," comments from the peanut gallery. Those three movies are freaking awesome and YOU KNOW IT.

When I was like sixteen I thought that maybe I could be Jean-Claude Van Damme's seventh or eighth wife someday. He was HOT, come ON!

And he starred in Bloodsport. OMG I could watch that movie over and over. The funny thing is, ever since I became a mom I cannot watch UFC. I can't watch actual guys actually beat the shit out of each other anymore. I can only watch "sports entertainment" and movies like Bloodsport. Yeah it is stupid but it is based on an actual guy and features an Oscar winning actor which is more than most ridiculously stupid movies can say. It also features what is quite possibly the worst soundtrack of all time.

And he was the KICKBOXER. Just a hard luck dork who watched his brother suffer at the hands of that vicious fuck Tong Po, so he had to go to a far away country and learn the art of Muay Thai (kinda Karate Kid rip off style) in order to exact his revenge. I'm sorry but Kickboxer is a badass and totally stupid but extremely entertaining movie.

My brother and two of his friends and I went to see Universal Soldier the day it came out. We knew this would be box office crap (which meant gold in our opinions) because it also featured Dolph "I Will Break You" Lundgren. And it did not disappoint. It was completely laugh out loud hilarious with some awesome fight scenes and explosions. That movie rocks. We were the only people in the theatre that afternoon. We might possibly be the only people who actually paid to see that movie.

Zac thinks that Timecop is Van Damme's masterpiece. I disagree. Yes it had more plot than most of his movies and actually was his highest grossing film I believe, but I thought it was fucking stupid. Who cares if his acting was best in that movie? He's not supposed to be a good actor. He's supposed to kick some ass and look pretty in front of explosions and fire. This is what makes movies good to me. Actually here is the perfect formula: Kurt Russell + Natural Disaster + Explosions = Awesome Movie. I think Zac just likes Timecop because Mia Sara was in it.

I have not seen Replicant so I cannot comment on that. It's later Jean-Claude Van Damme and I suspect his movies do not get better as the years go on. I think the last one of his films that I saw was Double Team which is perhaps the worst movie ever. Dennis Rodman is in it, okay? Mickey Rourke is too but we're talking alcoholic, nobody will employ me, pre-Marv Mickey Rourke.

I am pretty sure I just talked myself into buying the DVD.

Dictators

I had every intention of keeping this blog a politics free zone when I started it. But I just can't leave this one alone.

Dictators suck. I think I am overstating the obvious on that issue.

From Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry:
dic·ta·tor
Pronunciation:
\ˈdik-ˌtā-tər, dik-ˈ\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Latin, from dictare
Date:
14th century

1 a: a person granted absolute emergency power ; especially : one appointed by the senate of ancient Rome b: one holding complete autocratic control c: one ruling absolutely and often oppressively
2: one that dictates

The definitions in bold are particularly disturbing to me. And why I am not a fan of dictators.

Let's take a look at Merriam-Webster's definition of dictatorship:


Main Entry:
dic·ta·tor·ship
Pronunciation:
\dik-ˈtā-tər-ˌship, ˈdik-ˌ\
Function:
noun
Date:
1542

1: the office of dictator 2: autocratic rule, control, or leadership 3 a: a form of government in which absolute power is concentrated in a dictator or a small clique b: a government organization or group in which absolute power is so concentrated c: a despotic state

Hmmm... Interesting. Which makes the following video a tad baffling and all kinds of WHA? HUH?

For reals? Fascinating. We'll get back to that.

Famous Dictators Throughout History (current dictators included):
Joseph Stalin
Saddam Hussein
Fidel Castro
Adolf Hitler
Ayatollah Khomeini
Mao Zedong
Kim Jong Il
Manuel Noriega
Benito Mussolini
Idi Amin
Pol Pot
Muammar Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
Pervez Musharraf
Slobodan Milosevic
Nicolae Ceausescu
Chiang Kai-shek
François Duvalier
Ho Chi Minh
Raul Castro

Wow. Those are some awesome guys. I can see how one would aspire to be like them.

Here's Sarah Palin talking some shit about dictators and how evil they are and how Obama is a moron for wanting to talk to them (I am paraphrasing of course and I left in my boyfriend Joe Biden for some sanity in bizarro world):





Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy. I'm confused. The McCain administration wants to deal harshly (or not at all) with dictators yet McCain himself has always aspired to be one? Weird. He is a "Great American" but he wants to grow up to be a dictator? Super! I thought most great Americans wanted to grow up to be astronauts or doctors. Dictators, huh? I must totally not have my finger on the pulse. I hope my kid does not want to grow up to be a dictator. I am kind of hoping for "I want to be Spider-Man or Sidney Crosby," not "Mama, I want to be just like Kim Jong Il when I grow up." I'm sorry you guys but I am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around all of this.

I may be a brainless radical left wing tree hugging wannabe hybrid driving formerly pot smoking social program loving PATRIOTIC idiot but I don't want to live in an autocracy with a DICTATOR ruling me. And with all due respect, I can't see how any respectable right wing fiscal conservative family values Christian, whatever label you want to give yourself person on the other side of the fence would either. I think that is something all of us can agree upon. Pass it along to your friends. People need to see this.

Okay, hopefully that is the first and last political post of this blog (but I suppose, don't hold your breath).

Stay tuned for topics such as Jean Claude Van Damme, Edward Cullen, Clowns, WWE, cheesecake, Heroes, Project Runway, and Skateboarding.

Conspiracy Theorist Neighbors

That's what Zac and I are. For reals. We really need to be writing comic books, novels, or screenplays. Seriously, we have an in depth theory on all of our neighbors. The scary thing is, we are right most of the time. Not all the time though. We thought our neighbors across the street were drug smugglers due to the fact that people came and went non stop at all hours of the day and night but it just turned out that she runs a drop in day care 24 hours a day.

We have been this way since we met. We thought our upstairs neighbors at the Island of Serenity were crazy whacked out psycho alcoholic lesbians and we were right on the money. They argued night and day. Loudly. They were cool as hell when they were normal but most of the time they were total nutjobs. And more entertaining than daytime television.

Then when we moved to our current location the fattest man I have ever seen with my own eyes lived upstairs. They had moved from far away so that his wife could attend Medical School. Someone was crying all the time. We thought it was her because he seemed like a total asswad. And the acoustics in this place are all kinds of fucked up so everytime I was in what was then the computer room I could hear loud sobbing. Like twice a day. So we had all these wild fantasies about him not letting her call her parents or that he was keeping her hostage when she wasn't at school or things of that nature. But then we found out it was HIM that was crying. That made it even better. WAY better. They never talked to us, ever. And I am the kind of person who says hi to everyone. Including my weirdo autistic mailman who has never ONCE replied to me. How weird is that? Anyway, one day Crying Man locked himself out of the building and Zac and my brother had to MacGuyver their way upstairs to let him in. Turns out he was in fact kind of a psycho. Finally they left. I did enjoy the fact that the mailman always left his Big and Large catalogs out in the open for everyone to see. Fucking rude of him but funny. I didn't know they made 6XL.

Then there is the house kitty corner to us. I think they might have moved. They have a hot tub out back, a big one. There was always a party going on over there. Non stop. Early in the evening on Friday until Sunday night. Tons of people. Every weekend. We totally think that they were swinger orgy sex party people. They had giant privacy fences so I don't think we were wrong about them. Gross, I never would have bought that house. Think of all the spooge in every random location.

We also have Angry Asian Man living across the street from us. He gets all wound up during Packer games, gets super drunk. and yells racial slurs from his front porch. Including the word you never ever say. In a primarily black neighborhood. That's a good one to sit out front and watch unfold. What is also entertaining about him is the way that he mows his lawn. I don't think he ever has before he bought the house. Like there is no rhyme or reason to it. Diagonally, up the hill, across the hill, in a circle, whatever. He probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and his lawn mower probably weighs 80. It's old school. God we are total assholes. This year I noticed he left the job up to his wife. She does in fact grasp the concept of mowing.

We are weirdo neighbor magnets. Our current theories are fun. There is a house up the street that features a parade of various women letting a giant dog out to pee. Zac has decided that is "Lesbian Party House." There is a guy in a white car that comes to our building bringing a sealed box and what appears to be a jug of moonshine and we think that he is our creepy neighbor's NAMBLA buddy. We also think that the people in the next building over are connected somehow to the Russian Mafia. Don't even get me started on the building on the other side of us. I don't know what kind of transient weirdos live there. If there wasn't a six foot privacy fence I would have many more theories. I wonder if car thieves live there. It seems like every now and again a car comes tearing in there super fast with the law right on their ass. This neighborhood is much better than it used to be but I'm not stupid. Time to bring the dog in at that point. Not stretch your head to see over the fence as Zac is prone to do. I've seen cops crouching behind their cars with their guns drawn enough to know that.

I could go on and on.

Oh, everyone in our neighborhood is referred to by their nicknames we have given them as well. Such as Running Man and Beagleman. Not Beagle MAN, Beagleman. Not very creative. We used up all of our creativity dreaming up what our neighbors are doing in their spare time.

I guess maybe be thankful you don't live in our neighborhood.

Neil Patrick Harris

Not exactly "stuff" nor "thingeys" but I love me some Neil Patrick Harris. I have loved him since Doogie Howser. It was kind of a stupid ass show, but maybe I just secretly wanted to be a tweenage doctor. Hell, I still want to be a doctor. But I don't want to go to med school. I shall be a doctor after the apocalypse, but that is a whacked out story for another post. If I ever get a Schnauzer, his name will be Doogie. I also liked his way ahead of his time blogging at the end of each episode. Tres cool. And the dude can even make fun of himself while shilling for Old Spice:


He rocks in the Harold and Kumar movies. I like a guy who can make fun of himself. Or make a HUGE ass of himself. Hilarious. (This one is long but if you don't feel like watching the whole movie you can just watch this).

What I really really love about NPH is that he doesn't feel like he has to be anything other than himself in an industry that most people have to adopt some kind of uber fake persona to fit into. Who cares what your sexual preference is? I don't. Do you care who I am sleeping with? Well I know that Lo Pan does, but that is because it is with him. But the rest of you? Didn't think so. And it's not like it affects his roles at all. Because Barney Stinson is the most awesome character on broadcast televison today - possibly ever. If you do not watch How I Met Your Mother, put it on your Netflix queue or get it however you "acquire" your programs. It has a great cast (Willow is in it too), great writing, and a big heart. And then there is Barney. The biggest douchebag womanizer on TV. Played by NPH.

And he can SING. And he's a friend of Joss. Could he be cooler? I'll get to Joss in a later post. Have you guys seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog? Get thee to iTunes if you haven't. That one you need to pay for so they can make more. Here's my favorite song from that. I have watched it way too many times. Just like Buffy and Angel. Dork.



And the coolest thing of all? Being a mom, you are pretty fucking cool if you appear on Sesame Street. Here he is talking to Elmo. Because my son will want to watch this eleventy million times and then I won't have to go looking for it again:


Be still my heart. I love you Neil Patrick Harris. You always make me happy. And that is a very great gift.

Tacos

Food of the gods. We have eaten tacos for dinner like 30 of the last 90 days. My love for tacos knows no bounds. I'm not talking Taco Bell either, they're good and all but Taco John's is better. I'm talking about homemade tacos. Homemade in that you buy the shells, seasoning, vegetables, cheese, sour cream, meat, and whatever else you want on them. Not the healthiest of foods but not the unhealthiest either. I suppose it all depends on what you put on them. You could do an all veggie taco, or use chicken, turkey, or fish. Although I don't believe in fish tacos. It's kind of like how chicken does not belong anywhere near breakfast. Fish does not belong anywhere near tacos.

According to the very reliable source Wikipedia, tacos were being eaten in Mexico long before the evil conquistadors showed up (although they were made with fish, thus making my last statement very very wrong).

I enjoy watching Rick Bayless on PBS - Mexico: One Plate at a Time. He has made some badass tacos based on his travels throughout the Yucatan Peninsula. I would like to try them. Perhaps if I ever get his cookbook from Paperback Swap I will do just that. I am cheap like that. But I really like the Americanized (read: bastardized) version of the taco.

I will admit that LaBamba makes some wicked awesome tacos. They are very spicy. However they are a franchise so they may have lost some of their authenticity along the way. And they are better known for their burritos as big as your head. Which are also delicious. If you've been drinking heavily all evening.

So here's to you tacos. I think I will eat you now.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

Only the best cheesy movie ever. I do like some good movies but generally my tastes lean toward the craptacular and this is the cream of the crop. If you don't like this movie, you are lying. Who can resist Master Blaster, Tina Turner, and Mel Gibson in his pre-crazy years? That's right, nobody. Find me one person who has not used the phrase, "two men enter, one man leaves."

We are even taught a tale of compassion, when Max refuses to kill Blaster because of his developmental disability (even though Tina has him killed anyway and exiles Max to the desert. You don't get those legs without making a deal with the devil). Who run Bartertown?


Then the creepy children find Max and nurse him back to health. He then crushes their dreams by telling them that the world is all kinds of fucked up. But they do not give up hope and go to Bartertown in hopes of escaping. Max helps them. Yay!

This movie was not available on DVD FOREVER. Finally, it was re-released. You would have thought that we found the Hope Diamond the day we scored it at Best Buy.

The very best thing about this movie is the use of the phrase "Beyond Thunderdome." It's original usage in this context can be credited to Green Bay's Tim Friedemann. Next time you see or hear something that is the most fucked up, jacked up, crazy ass shit you have ever seen/heard, you can say, "That was Beyond Thunderdome."

I will give you some examples. If you see a 300 pound circus clown wearing a purple spandex unitard riding a unicycle backwards down your street while eating a corn dog - that is Beyond Thunderdome. If your best friend changes her name to $%@ and elopes to Antarctica with a guy she met on Spring Break to save the penguins - that is Beyond Thunderdome. If someone comes into the television station you work at to tell you that she is receiving transmissions from outer space through her fillings from your broadcast signal (this actually happened to me) - that is most definitely Beyond Thunderdome. Use it. Embrace it.

That Press Conference Was Sad

Yeah I cried. Who didn't?



Go Here And Click on the Brett Favre Video
Sorry I couldn't just find it on YouTube

And then there is:

The End of an Era

So Brett Favre is retiring. I saw this coming while everyone else I know was in complete denial. This was a storybook season, although it ended too soon. I think with Favre they had a shot at a great 2008-2009 season, but it sure wasn't a given. And wouldn't you rather go out great then possibly have a 4-12 season (which the Packers are certainly capable of, even with Favre). I love football and it's going to be SO WEIRD to watch the Pack after 17 glorious seasons with Favre. Aaron Rodgers has potential and we have a lot of his rookie cards but I have heard rumors galore that he is not well liked by the players and they do not look at him as a leader. Which is a HUGE problem. I think the likelihood of him getting traded for either another QB or a better draft pick is good. I was looking at the free agent QBs and the Packers better get on that soon. There are a couple of players I think would be worth picking up - maybe Carr or Leftwich - but that's about it. No Culpepper please. It's going to take awhile to rebuild regardless of who becomes the man. And that sucks. It's hard to watch your team suck. Just ask Zac, who has stayed loyal to his beloved Lions despite their never ending suckitude. I don't even know if there is anyone good available in the draft and with a shitty first round spot, that is irrelevant anyway unless they trade up. And you can't throw a newbie in with good results in most cases. SO while it's sad, I think he made a good choice. You don't want to go out craptacularly. Now it will be interesting to see which network throws a floppityjillion dollars at him for phase 2. Unless he wants to go back to Mississippi and fade into obscurity.

Gonna try to find Deacon a mini Favre jersey today.

In Case You Were Wondering

About Jenny Quarx. My name IS in fact Jennifer, but I prefer to go by Jen or Jennifer, never Jenny.

But I am a comic book nerd. And I LOVE The Authority and Planetary. Here goes - this is only gonna skim the surface. I'm gonna gloss over some major important stuff because most of you don't care. So don't call me out on omissions. Visit your comic shop or do some googling for more info:



I really wanted to be Jenny Sparks, but it was already taken. Jenny Sparks was the Spirit of the 20th Century. There is a group of people that were born on January 1, 1900 - the Century Babies - that had cool powers. Her powers basically control electricity. She also doesn't age. Her moods are very influenced by world events. She's basically a hot blonde, ass kicking, chain smoking, Union Jack wearing chick. She started off in Stormwatch, then went on to form The Authority and well, you know, save the world a lot. She died at the end of the 20th century.



On January 1, 2000, Jenny Quantum, also known as Jenny Quarx was born. She is the Spirit of the 21st century. She was adopted by Midnighter and Apollo. She can teleport. She currently leads The Authority.

So that is it in a nutshell. It's not some cute little name (although it IS a cute little name), it has important comic bookey stuff behind it.

Oh, and no, my kid is not named for that Apollo. I'm not that big of a nerd.

Hey Jackass

Yeah you, driving the Mercedes Benz. It's fucking winter here and the roads are icy. It's too cold for salt to work even if we lived in a city where salt was used. I know that you must be important to drive such a fancy car so therefore you must have business that needs to be dealt with RIGHT NOW as you talk on your cell phone and drive inattentively. I really don't know what you are doing in this part of town anyway. If you park that car at Cub for too long, it is likely to get stripped in under ten minutes. Or better yet, stolen. But I digress. I have a child in the back of my car and I just want some goddamn groceries. I would rather not be out today seeing as it is -500 degrees out yet again, but if my kid doesn't have goldfish there will be hell to pay. So could you get off the fucking phone until you reach the parking lot and quit following 1/4 inch behind me? Because you must be an idiot. If you slam into my car that a generous blue book estimate has at $2500 with your $70,000 car wearing an Armani suit and coat, I think you will likely be fucked. And you're lucky that my husband wasn't in the car because he would have beat you to death in the parking lot for jeopardizing his family anyway.

That is all.

I'm a Weirdo

So Deacon and I were playing with his guys today. He's got both DC and Marvel guys. His favorite is Batman but he calls all of them Batman right now. He also really likes Superman. He likes to fly him around the house with sound effects and all. Sometimes he has two Supermen flying at the same time - Superman and Earth-Two Superman. (He's a very advanced child).

Anyway, I was on the anti-registration side of Civil War and am a HUGE fan of Captain America. We have Iron Man and Spider-Man in addition to our many Supermen. I like to make Spider-Man kick Tony's ass because we currently have no clear cut bad guys and what fun is playing with action figures if they don't fight, right? So this is what actually came out of my mouth while playing with my one year old son:

"You see, Tony Stark has lots of money and built himself this rad suit. After a tragic event in Stamford, CT,the public goes hysterical, and the government decides that all superheroes must register with them. Superheroes who don't register are subject to punishment. Cap refuses to assist them so he has to go underground. At first Peter Parker is on Tony's side and publicly unmasks himself but soon realizes that he has made a mistake so he joins Cap's side. A lot of other crazy stuff happened, and I'm sure Tony meant well but all of this led to the death of Captain America so Peter is wicked angry and that is why he wants to beat up Iron Man."

A) Clearly I need help.
B) I think that might have been a little too much exposition.
C) Being a parent is awesome.

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OMG

By LOLITA C. BALDOR, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - President Bush has ordered the Pentagon
to use a Navy missile to attempt to destroy a broken U.S. spy satellite and thereby minimize the risk to humans from its toxic fuel by
intercepting it just before it re-enters the atmosphere, officials said
Thursday.

The
effort the first of its kind will be undertaken because of the
potential that people in the area where the satellite would otherwise
crash could be harmed, the officials said.

Deputy National Security Adviser James Jeffrey, briefing reporters
at the Pentagon, did not say when the attempted intercept would be
conducted, but the satellite is expected to hit Earth during the first week of March.

"This is all about trying to reduce the danger to human beings," Jeffrey said.

Gen. James Cartwright, vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff,
said at the same briefing that the "window of opportunity" for such a
shootdown, presumably to be launched from a Navy ship, will open in the
next three or four days and last for seven or eight days. He did not
say whether the Pentagon has decided on an exact launch date.

Cartwright said this will be an unprecedented effort; he would not say exactly what are the odds of success.

"This is the first time we've used a tactical missile to engage a spacecraft," Cartwright said.

After extensive study and analysis, U.S. officials came to the
conclusion that, "we're better off taking the attempt than not,"
Cartwright said.

He said a Navy missile known as Standard Missile 3 would be fired in
an attempt to intercept the satellite just prior to it re-entering
Earth's atmosphere. It would be "next to impossible" to hit the
satellite after that because of atmospheric disturbances, Cartwright
said.

A second goal, he said, is to directly hit the fuel tank in order to minimize the amount of fuel that returns to Earth.

Software associated with the Standard Missile 3 has been modified to
enhance the chances of the missile's sensors recognizing that the
satellite is its target; he noted that the missile's designed mission
is to shoot down ballistic missiles, not satellites. Other officials
said the missile's maximum range, while a classified figure, is not
great enough to hit a satellite operating in normal orbits.

"It's a one-time deal," Cartwright said when asked whether the
modified Standard Missile 3 should be considered a new U.S.
anti-satellite weapon technology.

Cartwright also said that if an initial shootdown attempt fails, a decision will be made whether to take a second shot.

Jeffrey said members of Congress were briefed on the plan earlier
Thursday and that diplomatic notifications to other countries would be
made before the end of the day.

Shooting down a satellite is particularly sensitive because of the controversy surrounding China's anti-satellite test last year, when Beijing shot down one of its defunct weather satellites, drawing immediate criticism from the U.S. and other countries.

A key concern at that time was the debris created by Chinese
satellite's destruction and that will also be a focus now, as the
U.S. determines exactly when and under what circumstances to shoot down
its errant satellite.

The military will have to choose a time and a location that will
avoid to the greatest degree any damage to other satellites in the sky.
Also, there is the possibility that large pieces could remain, and
either stay in orbit where they can collide with other satellites or
possibly fall to Earth.

It is not known where the satellite will hit. But officials familiar
with the situation say about half of the 5,000-pound spacecraft is
expected to survive its blazing descent through the atmosphere and will
scatter debris some of it potentially hazardous over several
hundred miles. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because of
the sensitivity of the matter.

The satellite is outfitted with thrusters small engines used
to position it in space. They contain the toxic rocket fuel hydrazine,
which can cause harm to anyone who contacts it. Officials have said
there is about 1,000 pounds of propellent on the satellite.

Known by its military designation US 193, the satellite was
launched in December 2006. It lost power and its central computer
failed almost immediately afterward, leaving it uncontrollable. It
carried a sophisticated and secret imaging sensor.

Very Disturbing. I think they should have just tried this first and then told us if it failed, otherwise just kept it on the down low. I think by not giving odds of success they are saying, "The odds are just about as good as Bruce Willis' team of roughnecks saving the world by digging a giant hole in a meteor to place a nuclear bomb which was detonated just as the ship of survivors escaped, yet oddly the blast did not harm the ship or it's trajectory." I should just not read the internets.

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That About Sums It Up

We beat the record. And it's still snowing...

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The Grammys

Ok, cool. This is gonna make blogging so much more convenient.

So I forgot Pride and Prejudice was on last night because I was watching the Grammys. I'm not really one for epic love stories but everyone says I should watch P&P. Zac was reminded of Master P's Theatre's version which made me laugh but I digress.

The Grammys: What a waste of 3 1/2 hours. I do realize it was the 50th anniversary but it was really not cool to showcase old people like that. I do honor their contributions to music but I was especially creeped out by Jerry Lee Lewis singing "Great Balls of Fire." NOBODY on earth wants to see a 150 year old man singing about his great balls. That just felt like "let's make fun of the old guy" and was really sad. I did like Little Richard's hair. Zac commented that it looked like a cake decoration. He has a great makeup artist.

And Amy Winehouse. I apologize in advance if you are a fan of her or her idiotic song "Rehab." For the LONGEST time I thought that song was by a man. An African American man, not a skinny white chick. And Amy, your daddy is wrong. You're not fine. Nobody thinks you are fine. You were clearly on something last night. Pills maybe? I couldn't tell. That is not a good song, she is not a good singer, and it's not a good idea to celebrate drug abuse and lunacy by giving out awards. And I'm generally a fan of lunacy to a certain degree anyway.

I think I might offend all music fans with this one: Bruce Springsteen. I don't get him. Maybe you have to be from New Jersey to understand, I'm not sure. I kinda liked his song "Streets of Philadelphia" but I have a pretty good handle on what is cool in music today and Bruce Springsteen is not, nor has he been relevant for several years. I don't understand why the RIAA feels the need to repeatedly nominate people just on their "you are supposed to like them because they are apparently awesome"ness. It's not cool. I can think of at least 20 records from last year that were more deserving of accolades than his.

I think everyone is capable of winning a Grammy and I am already working on my song for next year. When the boring guy (which one?) told me that there were 400 Grammys awarded in 104 categories I knew that I have a good chance. I'm only slightly kidding. I noticed on their ticker that "Hawaiian music album" is a category. That's just weird. Why isn't there a "Most Awesome Minneapolis Band" category. Or a "Best SoCal Punk" category? There is NO Punk category - it's all lumped into "Alternative" which is just far too broad and undefined. There is a metal category and some kick ass bands such as Machine Head and Shadows Fall were nominated. But Slayer won for a song off of "Christ Illusion." I think that's pretty funny. And awesome. I missed some parts of the show and I'm not sure if that was an on camera thing but I would have been really satisfied to see Kerry Fucking King accept an award.

I started to get bored when Tony Bennett started talking. I was looking in the crowd and noticed that Usher was too. I like Tony Bennett to a certain degree. I REALLY like Alec Baldwin as Tony Bennett. But I am not sure he is deserving of all the praise laid upon him. Maybe if you live long enough you become amazingly talented and awesome regardless of your contributions to society. Something to chew on.

My favorite moment of the evening was the brief yet noticeable death stare that Beyonce gave to Rihanna when she and Jay-Z won for "Umbrella." Rihanna kinda grabbed him when they went up to accept their award. It was flirty. I wouldn't fuck with Beyonce. She seems like she could take you out. Easily.

Anyway, that's it. I can't wait until the Oscars - less than two weeks away - to make fun of more people SUPPOSEDLY more talented than the rest of us.

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