Project Runway

For some reason I am totally addicted to this show. Like crack. I didn't watch season one. Then comic shop Bob asked me if I was interested in Season Two. I don't have cable so he taped it for me. I watched it in a giant chunk at the very end of my pregnancy when it was 5000 degrees outside, I was on semi-bedrest, and I couldn't sleep. It is a totally stupid show, I really don't give a shit about fashion, usually you can find me wearing a Captain America t-shirt and jeans. Occasionally I will throw on a cuter t-shirt and once in awhile I will put my contacts in. But I love this show. LOVE it. Like I HAVE to go get Project Runway on Thursday so I can watch it immediately or I am sad. This week Bob forgot it at home and I couldn't watch it until Friday and I felt like I was suffering from withdrawal. Also he almost told me who made it to the final three and I would have punched him ("Locke in a box").

This season the designers have been really good. I got them. Last season I didn't get it at all. Christian Siriano was interesting to me in a he is a cute little annoying pixie kind of way but to be quite honest, I thought all of his shit looked like Joan Collins could have worn it on Dynasty and it had zero relevance to the new millennium. I thought it was horrendous. I did like his use of "fierce" and "hot mess" but Zac was beyond fucking annoyed with him and pissed off that he won and vowed to never watch another episode of that show. And he secretly loves that shit. I have got him hooked on America's Next Top Model AND Big Brother.

I really liked Blayne even though I knew he would not win. He was adorable and even though his pooping fabric thingey was atrocious, it was interesting to look at and actually Avant Garde. Kenley's outfit was just absurd. So let's go there.

Kenley. She is beautiful and I LOVE her personal style. And I adore her little '50's shit. But she is the most annoying person ever to appear on Project Runway. Even Suede with his third person shit was less annoying than her. It seemed after a few weeks that she was not taking it very seriously. All of her eye rolling bugged the crap out of me. Then when she started talking back to Tim Gunn - OH NO YOU DIDN'T. I love me some Tim Gunn. He did not get chosen to appear on that show because he doesn't know shit about fashion. He is a guru. And she is a douchebag. And she only got worse. And did you notice that her accent got more and more nasaly and whiny as the season went on? And I know nasaly. I am from WI. I hoped and hoped she would not make it to the final three just because someone with an attitude like that does not deserve to be there. But then I saw that wedding dress. Be still my heart. I want that dress. I am already married but I would wear that dress just prancing around my house. I knew she was in. And her bridesmaid dress was fucking awesome too. And that made me sad. Because...

I knew Jerell would be out. And I love Jerell. He reminds me of my BFF Matt. Hot, stylish, confident, talented, etc. He was good and he won the final challenge so he should have automatically been on to Bryant Park and that just SUCKED. His dresses were atrocious IMO and so was his collection, but it still wasn't fair. I wasn't ready for him to be done.

Korto rocks and she better win. She is normal and I love her. And her beadwork is the bomb. And she is just cool. And I loved everything she did. Even if I would never wear it. And Tim told her that her collection was stunning when he went to visit her so I think she has a good shot.

Leanne has zero fashion sense when it comes to herself. I love her stuff, but she is a one trick pony with all that wavy shit. Her wedding dress was pretty and her bridesmaid dress too. But what? Are you going to put wavy annoying shit on all of your clothes? Women with hips cannot wear that shit. I know you are designing for stick figures but you are never going to have a Leanne for Macy's line with that. Ever. Korto can make clothes regular people can wear. I mean Michael Kors makes clothes for regular people as well as his fancy crap. That is how you rake in the big bucks.

But Kenley will win. That is my prediction. Something about Project Runway - they just want the most annoying person on Earth to win that show. What the fuck? If I lived in Ireland where you can bet on anything, I'd bet the farm on it.

Oh well, Top Chef starts in November.

Jean-Claude Van Damme

I was looking for a picture of him doing the splits between two chairs because he seriously finds a way to do that in every single movie he is in, right? But I'm lazy and this is the best I can do for right now.

I kinda love Jean-Claude Van Damme. In that cheesy sort of way. I do realize he is a massive d-bag and not at all cool and that they should have made him stop making movies about 15 years ago, but whatever. He used to be hot.

We were at Target the other day and you know how they do those multi-pack DVDs now? Well they had a Jean-Claude Van Damme one. It had Kickboxer, Replicant, and Universal Soldier on it. Ehhh... not quite. If it had the trifecta of Kickboxer, Bloodsport, and Universal Soldier, I would have bought it in a fucking heartbeat, despite the "you should have mentioned this to me BEFORE we got married," comments from the peanut gallery. Those three movies are freaking awesome and YOU KNOW IT.

When I was like sixteen I thought that maybe I could be Jean-Claude Van Damme's seventh or eighth wife someday. He was HOT, come ON!

And he starred in Bloodsport. OMG I could watch that movie over and over. The funny thing is, ever since I became a mom I cannot watch UFC. I can't watch actual guys actually beat the shit out of each other anymore. I can only watch "sports entertainment" and movies like Bloodsport. Yeah it is stupid but it is based on an actual guy and features an Oscar winning actor which is more than most ridiculously stupid movies can say. It also features what is quite possibly the worst soundtrack of all time.

And he was the KICKBOXER. Just a hard luck dork who watched his brother suffer at the hands of that vicious fuck Tong Po, so he had to go to a far away country and learn the art of Muay Thai (kinda Karate Kid rip off style) in order to exact his revenge. I'm sorry but Kickboxer is a badass and totally stupid but extremely entertaining movie.

My brother and two of his friends and I went to see Universal Soldier the day it came out. We knew this would be box office crap (which meant gold in our opinions) because it also featured Dolph "I Will Break You" Lundgren. And it did not disappoint. It was completely laugh out loud hilarious with some awesome fight scenes and explosions. That movie rocks. We were the only people in the theatre that afternoon. We might possibly be the only people who actually paid to see that movie.

Zac thinks that Timecop is Van Damme's masterpiece. I disagree. Yes it had more plot than most of his movies and actually was his highest grossing film I believe, but I thought it was fucking stupid. Who cares if his acting was best in that movie? He's not supposed to be a good actor. He's supposed to kick some ass and look pretty in front of explosions and fire. This is what makes movies good to me. Actually here is the perfect formula: Kurt Russell + Natural Disaster + Explosions = Awesome Movie. I think Zac just likes Timecop because Mia Sara was in it.

I have not seen Replicant so I cannot comment on that. It's later Jean-Claude Van Damme and I suspect his movies do not get better as the years go on. I think the last one of his films that I saw was Double Team which is perhaps the worst movie ever. Dennis Rodman is in it, okay? Mickey Rourke is too but we're talking alcoholic, nobody will employ me, pre-Marv Mickey Rourke.

I am pretty sure I just talked myself into buying the DVD.

Dictators

I had every intention of keeping this blog a politics free zone when I started it. But I just can't leave this one alone.

Dictators suck. I think I am overstating the obvious on that issue.

From Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry:
dic·ta·tor
Pronunciation:
\ˈdik-ˌtā-tər, dik-ˈ\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Latin, from dictare
Date:
14th century

1 a: a person granted absolute emergency power ; especially : one appointed by the senate of ancient Rome b: one holding complete autocratic control c: one ruling absolutely and often oppressively
2: one that dictates

The definitions in bold are particularly disturbing to me. And why I am not a fan of dictators.

Let's take a look at Merriam-Webster's definition of dictatorship:


Main Entry:
dic·ta·tor·ship
Pronunciation:
\dik-ˈtā-tər-ˌship, ˈdik-ˌ\
Function:
noun
Date:
1542

1: the office of dictator 2: autocratic rule, control, or leadership 3 a: a form of government in which absolute power is concentrated in a dictator or a small clique b: a government organization or group in which absolute power is so concentrated c: a despotic state

Hmmm... Interesting. Which makes the following video a tad baffling and all kinds of WHA? HUH?

For reals? Fascinating. We'll get back to that.

Famous Dictators Throughout History (current dictators included):
Joseph Stalin
Saddam Hussein
Fidel Castro
Adolf Hitler
Ayatollah Khomeini
Mao Zedong
Kim Jong Il
Manuel Noriega
Benito Mussolini
Idi Amin
Pol Pot
Muammar Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
Pervez Musharraf
Slobodan Milosevic
Nicolae Ceausescu
Chiang Kai-shek
François Duvalier
Ho Chi Minh
Raul Castro

Wow. Those are some awesome guys. I can see how one would aspire to be like them.

Here's Sarah Palin talking some shit about dictators and how evil they are and how Obama is a moron for wanting to talk to them (I am paraphrasing of course and I left in my boyfriend Joe Biden for some sanity in bizarro world):





Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy. I'm confused. The McCain administration wants to deal harshly (or not at all) with dictators yet McCain himself has always aspired to be one? Weird. He is a "Great American" but he wants to grow up to be a dictator? Super! I thought most great Americans wanted to grow up to be astronauts or doctors. Dictators, huh? I must totally not have my finger on the pulse. I hope my kid does not want to grow up to be a dictator. I am kind of hoping for "I want to be Spider-Man or Sidney Crosby," not "Mama, I want to be just like Kim Jong Il when I grow up." I'm sorry you guys but I am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around all of this.

I may be a brainless radical left wing tree hugging wannabe hybrid driving formerly pot smoking social program loving PATRIOTIC idiot but I don't want to live in an autocracy with a DICTATOR ruling me. And with all due respect, I can't see how any respectable right wing fiscal conservative family values Christian, whatever label you want to give yourself person on the other side of the fence would either. I think that is something all of us can agree upon. Pass it along to your friends. People need to see this.

Okay, hopefully that is the first and last political post of this blog (but I suppose, don't hold your breath).

Stay tuned for topics such as Jean Claude Van Damme, Edward Cullen, Clowns, WWE, cheesecake, Heroes, Project Runway, and Skateboarding.