The Life of Clan Mac

Streaming Video

2011-06-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

I am a child of the 80's. I remember when VHS came out and you had to go rent a VCR from the grocery store. It was the most amazing thing EVER. My dad managed our local supermarket so we got to watch movies quite a bit. I have seen every crappy 80's action movie ever made, which is pretty awesome. Explosions + Kurt Russell = the perfect movie. We didn't actually get a VCR until I was 13, and even then, to own a movie was cost prohibitive. Remember when they were $89.99? I taped everything off of the TV. It's ridiculous what I am still finding as we are packing. "Jen's Arsenio Hall tape," "Jen loves Christian Slater."

Clan Mac is also notorious for falling in love with TV shows after the hype is over. Which probably makes us lame, but whatever. It's nice to not have to wait for the next week to see the next episode and the only thing we have to avoid is walking spoiler alerts (Hi Bob). I was an early adopter of Supernatural and Dexter, but that's about it.

So Netflix Streaming and HBO Go are the most amazing things ever to me. I love burning through seasons. Before we had a child, we did that all the time. I think we watched the first season of 24 in real time. I am a professional.

I have finished Dead Like Me (loved it) and all of Sons of Anarchy (maybe the best show currently on TV, right up there with Dexter). Right now I am cracked out on Six Feet Under. I did not have HBO when the show originally aired or I know I would have been watching. Peter Krause, Michael C. Hall, Lauren Ambrose? What a cast. 8 days - 2 seasons - 3 to go. I know that is insane and I should spread it out. But my time is limited. There's only about 100 days until hockey season starts again!

Well, HELLO.

2011-05-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

It's been forever. Laying low, writing at EB, whatev.

Anyway, moving August 1 to a lovely place and we will have a garage. So stoked to be able to have a chest freezer and to shop at Costco/Sams. Such an exciting life I lead. Also a washer and dryer in my actual apartment. I could cry.

D is starting school in September. WAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Seriously, I am freaking out. He will be fine. It will be wonderful for him. It's just such a huge transition. It's going to be weird to not have him here with me all the time.

We'll also be switching from the Polar Caps to the Southwest Eagles. I think they run a pretty solid program, and also Adam Burish was an Eagle. SO... Ha. I met one of the coaches at school orientation actually. He was a cool guy and his kid will be in K w/ Deacon. That's more than I ever talked to any of the coaches at MIA. They may want to reevaluate their interactions with parents. Seems pretty inclusive and hostile to new families. Uncool. I offered up my mad fundraising skillz too. I'd love to do that where I could see the benefits in my own community. We have to get skating this summer. I still love the learn to skate program at MIA. Stephanie is amazing.

Blue Jay Media Group: Go like us on Facebook please. Thanks. Working hard there. Sorry I am antisocial. I'm busy. Buy our books, review them on Amazon, tell your friends.

The Wings: H2H2 was super fun. Always great to see everyone and the team. And raise over 13K for Children's Hospital. Lovely time. The postseason? Ugh. The Sharks. Blegh. And I don't even want to think about retirement, so let's just focus on summer and cross that bridge in July.

Entertainment: Deal of the day on Amazon is Lady Gaga's new one for 99 cents. Man, I love her but that's about what it's worth on the first listen through. Cloud storage: I dig the concept, but I am not sure how I feel about waiting a bajillion years for my purchases to appear. Hopefully it's just an "everyone in America bought this and we're having issues" deal. I do like being able to access 20G from my phone. Glorious.

Watching Dead Like Me. I have 9 episodes + the movie left. I'd just finish it today if I didn't have actual responsibilities. I love it. For some reason it reminds me of My So Called Life - must be the mother/daughter dynamic.

Speaking of which - I saw 30 Seconds to Mars in April. They were amazing live - I don't know why people hate on them - they've outlived the "Jared Leto is a fake rockstar" crap. They put on a great show. And he's still pretty. Too skinny though. Also saw the Pixies finally. Amazing. Made me feel old though.

So yeah, that.

H2H Shout Out

2010-04-03T17:05:00.001-07:00

I'm a little bit late with this but it has really taken more time than I thought for everything to sink in and to get back in the swing of what is normal.

Being a part of Herm 2 Hockeytown was more than I ever imagined it would be. Far beyond my wildest dreams.

When this all started out on A2Y, I had no doubt that we'd raise enough money to get Herm to Detroit for a game. I also knew we'd raise some extra for Children's Hospital of Michigan. I didn't realize we'd manage to raise over $5300, although I never should have doubted the power of Red Wings fans (and Michael Petrella of The Production Line who, through some awesome fundraising innovation, got everyone involved in a fun and exciting way).

The entire weekend was a great success, and the credit for that goes to every single person involved in H2H. Everyone who donated money to bring Herm here, everyone who donated to Children's Hospital, everyone who helped plan the event in any way, everyone who attended, and everyone who wished they could and cheered us on. I can't thank you all enough. The Detroit Red Wings were beyond accommodating and I am so thankful to the entire organization for helping Herm achieve some of his dreams (and well, me too).

To all of you that I met and to those of you I did not get to spend enough time with, I can't wait until we see each other again. I was delighted to meet each of you. It's pretty awesome to hang out with fellow crazy fans. Makes one feel normal.

To Chris Hollis, Mike Serven, Ellen Manuszak, Michael Petrella, Matt Saler, Gabriel Porras, Jenn Schwab, Tyler Devereaux, Catherine Peters, Jeff Archer, Lauren Ruhland, and everyone who helped with the planning and execution of the event, I love you guys. I am deeply honored to have had the pleasure of working with you and to have built lasting friendships with each of you has been extraordinary. I wasn't prepared for how much I would miss you. I'm glad we're doing it again next year.

To Guilherme Calciolari - Being able to watch this event unfold alongside you has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. From the mini tour of the Joe Louis Arena to meeting Darren Helm in the locker room post game, it was quite a ride. Thank you so much for letting me share in the joy of it all. I hope it was everything you dreamed of.

To Paul Kukla and Bill Houlihan, thank you for giving us a place where such a crazy idea was not not really that out there and for helping us grow it into the amazing thing it became.

Other people said this far more eloquently. Mostly, I just wanted to say thank you. To all of you.

Hugely Distracted

2010-02-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

First I was distracted by the abysmal play of the Wings. I mean, they are such a rollercoaster ride this year. One game you're feeling like, "HEY! It's the Detroit Red Wings!" The next, it's like, "Awesome. This is what Leafs fans feel like" (No offense to my beloved Leafs fans).

So to make myself feel better, I attended the Culver's Camp Randall Hockey Classic. Total awesomeness. It was super cold, but it was an amazing experience. The Warmup was great too. Good music and... free beer. Good ploy, get you hammered so you can endure sitting outside freezing your ass off.

At one point I was a bit worried. Chris Hollis of Motown Wings and I had a bet. He is a Michigan man I am a Wisconsin girl - therefore the fan of the losing team has to wear the winning team's jersey during the Euchre tournament at Herm to Hockeytown. I am sorry, I love Michigan sports, but I am not wearing Maize and Blue. And now I don't have to. He will look lovely in the Badgers jersey.

Unfortunately, that did not distract me enough. That day also happened to be the trainwreck of the Kings game. Hollis was kind enough to text me to inform me of the blown 3 goal lead and the injuries to Miller, Eaves, and Holmstrom. I thought it was just more taunting and chicanery. I thought wrong. SO glad I did not have to see that game. Bad enough that I had to hear about it.

Now I am just distracted by the Olympics. Curling has been a huge time suck. It's fascinating. You'd think it was just lazy Midwesterners throwing stones at the target. But it's a total game of strategy and just utterly compelling. Zac likes to remind me that it's full of hot chicks too. He is particularly fond of Madeleine Dupont of Denmark.

Obviously hockey has distracted me as well. I can't be your friend if you didn't think that USA/Canada game wasn't the best hockey televised in the last several years. Amazing game. And Rafalski, dude, bring that mojo back to Detroit please. You know, when they announced the team at the Winter Classic, there were a lot of naysayers, but I just had a feeling they could compete. They're young, there are not a lot of superstar egos, they're just role players who can get the job done. Keep up the good work guys. Get a medal. Go for the gold.

Of course I'd like Stevie and Babs to succeed but I just hate too many players on Team Canada. It's like the douche parade. Look, I love Canada and Canadians to the point of maybe actually sort of being an honourary Canadian (look what I did there). Aren't I the Ambassador to Canada? Really. But it is physically impossible for me to root for Crosby, Pronger, Perry, and Getzlaf. I cannot do it. My body rejects such things. If I did it, I would require an exorcism. They are playing SO well though, if they keep it up, I have no doubt they are the favorites for gold. They put the smack down on Russia (so sad for Pavel and Fedorov, otherwise, do not give a crap).

Aside from the obvious national pride of beating Canada, I was thrilled because I did not want to play Slovakia. I knew they were kicking some ass this year. And I like Halak and Chara. I can do without Hossa and Kopecky. But I will not be surprised if they medal. I weep for Sweden (and myself, who stayed up far too late watching that game. My poor Red Wings, going home without a medal. Except HEY. Nobody is injured and dude! They get to rest before taking on the Dive. So call me a heartless bitch, I don't care. This might be good for the team. And the Wings are far more important than Sweden.

SO. I suck at predictions but here they are and you will all hate me: Gold: Canada Silver: USA Bronze: Slovakia.

Random Thoughts

2010-01-27T07:31:00.000-08:00

Last night's game was a heartbreaker. Sweet Zombie Jesus, I can't take that shit. No more Grinch pants that's for sure. One point is lucky after that shit show. Ugh.

At least I have distractions. A shiny new laptop to play with that is also helping me with my productivity. For now anyway. Three posts this morning, that has to be some sort of a record.

Deacon is sick. Well, he is on the mend now, and milking it for all it is worth. Annoying. Not the sick part, the working it part. The first night he was super sick, pukey sick. Then I let him stay up to watch the Blues and the Flames and now he thinks he can just wake up late in the evening and watch the late game with a beverage. Um, no. He refuses to eat what I prepare, and we also can't go anywhere because generally they frown upon kids with low grade fevers in school. It is sucking. He also thinks he can watch any movie he wants, and as he knows where they are, and how to operate electronics, it is difficult. Oh my God, how whiny am I? I needed to vent. Poor kid is sick but it's hard on me too. We may infect Target later because I am going stir crazy.

Sheltergirl is having a minor procedure later and I worry. I am too far away to help out and I know it will be fine but it weighing heavily on my mind because I know she is scared. I have had this done when my back was all fucked up and it is okay, but I didn't have two kids and a lot of other shit going on at the same time. So think positive thoughts for her, okay?

Another game tonight, another chance to be elated or pissed off. Ugh.

We're Number 8!

2010-01-26T14:53:00.000-08:00

How lame is it to be excited about that? Or to have to cheer for St. Lose? Whatever, I'll take it, even if it's fleeting. Hopefully not, I am wearing my superfly magical Grinch fleece pants today and if they don't work, I will burn them along with a picture of Shane Doan as an offering to the hockey gods.

It's rough man. Rough. This season feels like the playoffs. All season. Or more accurately, game six and seven of last year's SCF. Brutal. I know I shouldn't be bitching because some fans have decades of suck and there have been some bright shining moments. But shit. I have consumed more beer this season than the last three seasons combined (and you know what? It's working, at least in one way, so shut your face).

Tonight we get the return of the beloved Niklas Kronwall who is a key element missing from the defense. Let's hope that it doesn't take him too long to find his way back. Not only for the Wings, but for my fantasy team and sanity.

I don't have much to say other than don't forget to listen to The Obstructed View Episode 7. You do not want to miss Brian's awesome rendition of Man-Tuzzi or George Malik agreeing with me. Also, I would rather not jinx the team, myself, anyone else.

So here's to you Wings. Number 8. Rock on.

So, Wings...

2010-01-24T07:23:00.000-08:00

That was sort of an important game to win, and by sort of, I mean TOTALLY. But while I started off thinking "tonight's gonna be a good night" a la the Black Eyed Peas, as soon as Kopitar scored that first goal, I knew you (and we as fans) were doomed.

I'm not blaming anyone. I am not going to go that route. I did last night but not today. There are holes everywhere and I have theories and whatever. Oh what the hell, I will share:

1. Are our veterans so used to winning that the can't figure out how to lose? Really. How can they blow a two goal lead so consistently it's a punchline like, "Is the Pope Catholic." HOW? There is zero intensity from 30% of the team. I know we can rely on the young guys for that and even Bertuzzi, who yes, while quite possibly the most hated man in the NHL, does not deserve all the hate and "he fucked up AGAIN"s thrown his way. Bert, you do not have to use the spinorama on every move, you look like me playing NHL '96, but yes, it frequently works, and you are putting forth effort, which is more than I can say for some.

2. Jonathan Ericsson, I still think you suck. Sorry. I think people love you because they think you're hot. Men and women. You are mildly attractive, but I don't get all that mad love. I like you because you have a Wolverine healing factor. But this: is just meh. There are hotter Swedes in the league, on the team even. But I digress to a world I don't like to visit. You suck. I'm tired of "he's young," "he's suffering from high expectations," "he still has a lot to learn," and my personal favorite, "defensemen have a slow learning curve." Bullshit. Yes, he is young. Of course there are high expectations, he is a Detroit Red Wing, yes he has a lot to learn, but his teachers are quite amazing (TPH anyone?) and that last statement is wrong. Sorry Ellen, I adore you, but no. Defensemen have to learn faster. They have more TOI and they are facing top scorers. Their learning curve has to be fast. You want to tell me that Del Zotto and Tyler Myers are slow to learn? Nuh-uh. Ericsson: Nut up or shut up. You suck.

3. Lebda: see above, only I'm over you. Go away.

4. Meech: I do not feel the same hate as everyone else. Your game is improving. I'd rather see you on the ice than either of these guys. You may stay.

5. When everyone got all excited about Lilja returning when Mick went into fantasy land last night, I thought, "are you fucking with me?" Dude has not played professional ice hockey in a year. He wasn't the second coming to begin with. NO. He is also done peeps, with is tragic, I like him. But no, he wouldn't be better. But see above. Hotter Swede.

6. Opinions, people. Blogging offers opinions. I am not an analyst. Nor am I Ken Holland. Neither are you. I do understand sports though, and also psychology. RE: Datsyuk, I would like to offer you my opinion: There is something else going on. First of all, his defensive game is sick. He is awesome. His scoring touch, not so much. I think it is much harder for Russian players to play without another Russian. I think it is also harder to live without living amongst other Russians. The language barrier? Tired of everyone bitching about the fact that his English is not great. Have you looked at a Cyrillic alphabet? Jesus people. I think there is credence to the story of his wife's unhappiness. Do NOT be surprised when another Russian ends up on the team. I'm not saying THAT ONE though I'd love to see it. But there will be one. Soon.

7. Leino. I told Michael Petrella at the Production Line that I would trade you for a six pack and some Taco Bell. He countered that you are only worth the Taco Bell. I wanted to love you, but you are not doing anything. Another year in Grand Rapids would have helped, but I do understand with your age, you didn't want to do that. But is this better? I think I can answer that for you. This sucks.

8. A two goal lead in the first does not mean you have won. This game lasts sixty minutes, or in your case, sixty five plus the shootout.

9. Professional athletes do not belong in the Olympics. Not only does the schedule suck balls this year, I really think the elite players are focused on the gold. Fuck that, focus on making the playoffs.

10. This is a team sport. It does feel like the hockey gods are against this team this year. But the entire team has to want to play and want to win and not fuck up. This is not the case at all. Bad luck, bad breaks, injuries, whatever. This team is equally responsible for their losses.

That is all.

NHL Fans Are Cool

2010-01-21T06:22:00.000-08:00

Everyone who has a heart is concerned about the situation in Haiti, and it's easy to feel pretty helpless about it if you've seen the pictures and heard the news reports. So often one thinks, "Well, how can I help? I don't have enough money, I can't go there." Very easy to feel this way.

You can help the American Red Cross

If you're in Canada, you can make a donation to the Canadian Red Cross.

If you're a hockey fan, you can help through the NHL/UNICEF.

Now, let's get to the NHL fans are cool part.

You already know the cool stuff we're doing over at A2Y to help Children's Hospital of Michigan and their Child Life Program Fund. For more information, read the most updated thread. There is big news coming, but you can still make a donation by clicking the graphic at the end of that thread.

The other night, during the Leafs/Predators game, Pension Plan Puppets, a Leafs blog I love (and lurk on) did a super cool commentathon to raise money. A simple thing like that raised over $2000. They were inspired by Silver Seven Sens and now many other fanbases are following suit. Hell, even The Pensblog donated to the PPP cause.

Now Down Goes Brown (if you are not reading that blog, you are high) who assisted PPP with their fundraiser has a challenge for all of you: Go do something. Be inspired by this - get together with your friends/fans/families and help. Be creative. If you can't do something like that, give blood. Do something. There is always something that anyone can do.

The Post in Which I Go all Mommy Blog on You

2010-01-15T17:04:00.000-08:00

The hot topic amongst my friends is how possessed their kids are right now.

Mine is too.

Three is super fun. Like the biggest joy you could ever imagine, coupled with Linda Blair in the Exorcist. When I used to vent about how hard it was to parent a "terrible two" year old, my sister in law would just laugh and tell me that three was harder. She was right. Today her almost five year olds were screaming in the background as we tried to have a conversation (Damien was too, lest you think my child was well behaved) and it almost made me cry. Like, what? There are at least 18 more months of this?

My son is easy, and very good. But not all the time. The worst times are dinner, bedtime, anytime I need him to behave. The other morning I woke up to him peeing on his racetrack. I said, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!" He said, "Peeing on my racetrack," as if it was just an every day thing. My mother laughed and said, "yeah. Boys." Thanks for the encouragement.

Later that day, we had skating lessons. My son loves skating, wants to grow up to play for the Badgers and then later the Habs (heartbreaking), and is just as hockey obsessed as I have brainwashed him to be. Class is only like 30 minutes long and afterward they have open skate. Well I thought we could only skate on the big rink, and he didn't want to. He also did not want to leave the ice. He went full on apeshit on me and flailed and kicked and screamed that supernatural scream. He also stabbed me in the leg with his skate (accidentally of course, but it didn't do much for the zen I was trying to maintain). I did manage to calm him down after what seemed like five thousand years (but was probably closer to three minutes) and we had a lovely time finishing our skate. And yes, I am engraving that moment on my brain for when the media comes calling in his NHL career.

The point of all of this is not to vent about my kid. It is to stop and smell the roses. This part sucks. Sometimes it is embarrassing, although, I think I may be immune to it after three years of having to deal with public meltdowns. Another aspect of that day? It was the first day of the new session. He is now in the big boys' class. This means I don't get to be on the ice with him. It means he is growing up. I was nervous. But he did fine. He didn't need me out there. Soon he won't need me for a lot of activities. Then he will be off to school. This goes by fast. Too fast. These demonic freak outs? They usually end with a few tears, some giant hugs, a bunch of "I love yous" and snuggles.

I'll have another, please.

LOOK AT MY BLOG

2010-01-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's pretty.

I'd like to thank Leigh for designing it.

Thank you. You rock!

There Goes the Neighborhood

2010-01-09T10:03:00.001-08:00

I live in a weird neighborhood. Also, I am constantly dreaming up scenarios of what my neighbors might be doing. I have touched on this before in this post. Things are getting strange again. Maybe it's winter, I don't know. Long winters and big snows tend to do fucked up things to people. I mean, I have seen some epically weird things in Madison. I have seen the blind leading the blind (literally). I saw a man who looked like the Gorton's fisherman crawl out of Lake Monona (or so it appeared) and ask if he could play darts with us. Some dude showed me his Prince Albert. I saw someone kick the shit out of his bicycle at a bus stop. A man who looked exactly like Charles Manson explained to me that he was from the planet Pilades and sadly informed me he would soon have to return. It was fascinating, I talked to him for quite awhile. Shit, I shouldn't be telling you this, I should write a book 'Crazy People of Madison'.

This winter has been bizarre. I recently witnessed a man having a heated argument with a snowbank. On Christmas day, a guy was walking up the street rapping about his sucky life. Here is a snippet: "If you think that I'm insane, I'm a punch you in the brain." (It was actually pretty good, better than a lot of rap on the radio - and I like rap. If I was a record producer, I would have signed him on the spot).

This is the most disturbing thing this week though - Swinger orgy sex club people have indeed moved and now the Klopeks have moved in.

It started out with just weird flashes and a few noises, but now they are full on experimenting on humans and getting rid of the evidence. This is much more apparent now that we have snow and the plows can disguise the noise. Also, I have never actually seen them so for all I know, their son is some freakish red head a la Hans. Who knows?

Last night, all we heard was weird loud metallic banging noises, like some sort of Industrial Revolution era machinery. Nobody even cares in this 'hood, so it's not like the cops would be called. Well, maybe now, with the new McNeighborhood. But about 7 years ago someone a few blocks away was using their house as a meth lab and it exploded. For real. I'm sure everyone knew what was going on, but people tend to mind their own business. This is a perfect example as to why I am clearly NOT delusional about such things.

As a result of recent developments, Zac and I are thinking about making some new friends. Maybe staging a covert stakeout first. Perhaps bringing them some brownies as an ice breaker.

12/31/09

2009-12-31T20:41:00.001-08:00

I could write a list as is the trendy thing to do at the end of the year, but really, all I have been focusing on for the last two days is the Wings/Avalanche game. I have no lists for you (except maybe Top Ten Reasons I Hate the Avalanche, which really doesn't fit into a year end deal).

If you've ever read this blog, you know I don't like the Avalanche. I mean, that is stating the obvious. I'm a Wings fan. Really, maybe we should get over it. Some would say that rivalry has been dead for some time. But I'm not going to ever get over this (just watch the very beginning, past Chuck Norris, ignore bad spelling, I did not make this):

I think it's also pretty safe to say that I'll always be geeked out about this (this one's long, it's the full fight, and if you're one of my non hockey readers, please take the seven minutes out of your life to watch it):

So, yeah, tonight's game was big.

We, as Wings fans, have enjoyed watching our team have so much success for so long, that this season has been rough. It's been an adjustment to watch them fight each win out and a disappointment to watch each brutal loss. For awhile, it seemed as if anyone wearing the winged wheel who looked at the ice wrong was destined for a 4-6 week vacation. There have been days of elation and nights of despair. Okay, yeah, that does sound obsessive, but come on, I am, we know this.

Basically, what I am trying to say is this season has been hard to watch until I figured out how to watch it. It's been satisfying, even in the losses, to see the prospects learn how to play at an NHL level. At first it was hugely frustrating, but Uncle Mike is coaching them well. Some of our newbies have been great snags. I knew Eaves was going to be great, and he has not disappointed me. Miller? Another diamond in the rough. Bertuzzi? Whatever. Thanks for scoring, dude, may you find some peace. Now we're to the point where when our injured come back, we're going to miss these guys, and the knowledge that THESE are the guys that are the future, that the team has enough depth to keep them in playoff range, even with multiple starters out - well that is pretty awesome.

So tonight I just felt like it would be a nice end to the year to beat the Avalanche at home before the big road trip. It's sounding like a lot of the guys will be traveling with the team and returning at some point soon. I felt good about this game, but it was New Year's, so we were eating dinner and trying not to be weirdos like we are. The first period was scoreless and I really just was trying to not freak out.

Then in the second period, Datsyuk scored, and I think maybe angels sang. I mean, has he been injured and they're keeping it on the down low? What the hell, Pavel, where have you been? But welcome back, we have missed you. GLORIOUS. I might have pulled something as I jumped over my kitchen table, but I think I'll be okay.

Exactly five minutes later, Darren Helm, the fastest man alive, with his trademark breakaway finally figured out how to finish and scored a shorty. He's only had, what - forty chances or so this season? Unbelievably beautiful, I knew he would be lethal when it finally happened.

Two questionable penalties lead to power play goals by Brandon Yip at the end of the second and midway through the third and I'm stressing again. But Ville Freaking Leino gets a goal assisted by Meech. WHAT? Yeah, I know. If you just read this and didn't watch the game you'd totally think I made it up. Come on though, sitting in the doghouse always leads to results. It was a weird tip but still, you can do it Ville.

Feeling good, right? No, then the stupidest penalty ever called, a total dive, and the Wings are shorthanded for the rest of the game. The Avs pull Anderson but Helm gets an empty netter making it 4-2 and the Wings rock my world on New Year's Eve.

Player of the game - hands down, Darren Helm.
Player who sucks - Claude Lemieux. I realize he is retired. Nope, I'll never get over it.

I Should Post More

2009-12-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas was awesome. There is nothing like watching a 3 year old freak out over presents and Santa and the like. But now that our 11 billion Christmases are over I have to get back to reality (which means work). Ugh.

I'll write another update on the H2H thing soon. It's getting awesome and I need your help. Pass on the info to all hockey fans and/or charitable people you know. The links are in the last post. Help out. There will be more links soon. I think we've reached the goal. Remember, all excess money is going to Children's Hospital of MI. This is an opportunity to help a lot of kids.

Listen to NHL Home Ice tomorrow at 10:20 CST to hear more info from the Chief. If you don't have it, sign up for a free trial - should be good stuff.

Fantasy football is over. You win some, you lose some. Left a lot of points on the bench again (I fucking knew I should have kept Brees on the bench) and lost by one freaking point. Thanks for that fumble AP. You're awesome. Oh well, serves me right, I won by one point last week. I did win the other one. We won't talk about the third league. So one championship, one second place finish - I can live with that. Now I can enjoy football more and focus on my fantasy hockey team which is tied for second.

That is all.

The H2H Project

2009-12-22T19:09:00.001-08:00

I know I have like five readers because my life is thrilling and I treat this like it's my locked journal. But all five of you need to know about this awesome thing that is happening.

Last week, Kris at Snipe Snipe, Dangle Dangle wrote this post. This comment stood out:

Have you ever had the chance to see them play in person?

Unfortunately not. Yet.

as well as this:

How large is the community of Wings fans where you live? Are there a lot of other NHL fans?

I never met another fan in person.

So out of that was born this, this, and this, which is currently this.

Herm's coming to Hockeytown. The remaining proceeds (if you didn't bother to click, over $1600 has been raised at this posting) will be donated to the Red Wings Wish Club, and I'm sure that amount will be substantial.

To my two anti Wings fan readers, you might think we're jerk faces. I present you evidence that we are a charitable bunch. :) If you are so inclined, please donate. $1, $5, every bit helps. If you are on Twitter, follow the hashtag #H2H. I'll keep you posted as to how this plays out. It's exciting. What started as a wild idea to bring a Brazilian hockey fan to see his favorite team is turning into an epic event that will help a lot of kids.

Hockeytown. No Limits.

HEY I'm over here too!

2009-12-20T11:30:00.000-08:00

Read more about football and stuff over here: Armchair Association. Also sign up for the forum because we rule. Click around, especially on "Know Your Assailant." Some brilliant adolescence for smart people over on Armchair Association.

Superstitious Much?

2009-12-18T17:07:00.000-08:00

I have touched on my sports superstitions in a previous post, but let's revisit, shall we?

I've always been extremely superstitious about everything, but sports takes it to a whole new level. The luckiest shirt on the face of Earth is my away Favre jersey. I guess it's vintage at this point. I got it for Christmas in like 1995 or something. It's the real deal, not the el cheapo version. This jersey took the Packers to the Superbowl twice. If I wear it, they win. Even Favreless. Which reminds me, I should probably wear that the next two (hopefully more) weeks.

Hockey is another beast. Someone on A2Y theorized that in order for your particular superstition to work, the whole thing hinges on whether or not all the other fans have stuck to theirs. It's a delicate balance, one can't stray from what is working or it might throw the entire team off. People who are not hockey fans might think this is insane, but it seems perfectly logical to me. Somebody dropped the ball after game five of the SCF, and if I find you, I will kick your ass. I'm the one who had to wear my stupid ass Twilight shirt (don't judge) underneath my Wings hoodie in freaking JUNE for the good of the team. Oh and the only beer that was able to be consumed during games was Labatt Blue regular or light. I never strayed from doing my duty. I even ate Little Caesars which is totally not as good as it used to be before their "it's $5, get it now, yo" promotion. Pizza Twins used to be the shit. I love the Ilitches so whatever, I'll eat shitty Little Caesars.

So this year I've been trying out new traditions because a) I am not wearing the Edward Cullen shirt for another year and b) regular season is a good time to start fresh. Plus I got an Yzerman and a Zetterman during the off season. Things proven to work: Deacon's almost too small Superman shirt with the #19 ironed on the back (at his request). This shirt is magical and was worn during the Zetterberg hat trick. I will make him wear this as long as he fits into it. Both the Yzerman and the Zetterberg seem to work. My comfortable, yet not fashionable fleece Grinch pajama pants work, and it will not be my favorite thing ever if I have to wear them in the summer. But I will. For my team. And let's be real, at this point, I'll wear a parka in June if we make it to June.

Things proven not to work: Wearing the winged wheel on off days. Bad mojo this season. Wings gear on game day only. Off days are for whatever else. Wearing a jersey on an off day pretty much assures a loss the following day. Wearing the maple leaf works to make the Leafs win (I did it for you Dagny), although it could possibly have angered the Hockey Gods so I will not be tempting fate anymore, not with nine starters out. We shall see what plays out. Something is screaming at me to get a Tomas Holmstrom jersey. Perhaps that is the missing element of the season. Zac doesn't believe in any of this. He thinks it's horseshit and that I am insane to even entertain these ideas. He refuses to participate (maybe you are the one who threw everything off, fan wardrobe is essential to a hockey team's success). Maybe I'll just get him a Franzen jersey so the point will be moot, because it probably isn't doing the Wings any favors if you're rocking a Fedorov in 2009 (and I love Fedorov, so shut up).

So let's discuss the injuries/crimes against the Hockey Gods: We've already discussed the Leafs jersey incident. I'm not going to explain it further, I have many jerseys, it's a collection. And okay, maybe I shouldn't have posted the No Limits commercial. Everyone who appears in it (except Lidstrom) is currently injured. Also, in A2Y's "who will get injured next?" contest, I chose Hank - he was injured 2 days later. Now don't be hating on me. I do not have super powers, at least not of that variety. If I did, the Penguins would be in last place, my novel would be #1 on the NY Times best seller list for the last 200 weeks, and I would be independently wealthy. If you are still superstitious enough to believe that I DO have that kind of power, I ask you to meditate on the word POWERBALL for either Saturday or Wednesday and when I win, I will finance A2Y's entire April trip. Yes, for everyone.

Why am I writing all of this down? Because for a minute there, when I was pondering all of this while driving home this afternoon, I almost believed it.

Weird

2009-12-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

Don't have time for a real post right now.

We got a bazillion inches of snow on Wednesday. Then it got super cold. Overnight a water main broke and we've had no water for over 12 hours. Awesome. Zac just melted snow to make coffee. We are so frontier.

Took my Follow Me on Twitter off, glad I checked my blog, because it had weird tweets that were not mine. Mayhaps I should change my password. In case you've been seeing this, I am not in fact tweeting at fucking Lindsay Lohan. She is a moron. I have nothing to say to her other than, "You are a fucking idiot."

I am frustrated with my sort of employers. I say "sort of" because I have no idea what is going on, hence the frustration. I am happy to be a part of this project, do not get me wrong, but don't make me look like an asshole. That should be my life's motto - "Do Not Make Me Look Like an Asshole, I Do a Good Enough Job of Doing That All By Myself."

Anyway, that's that. More Wings are injured, when I heard about Cleary, I really truly felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Whatever.

Goodbye November

2009-11-30T09:10:00.000-08:00

Historically, all of the bad things happen in November, so I just naturally expect that annual trend to continue. That's really fatalistic thinking. It doesn't have to be that way. It's been quite awhile since the big bad things have happened (and the worst thing of all didn't even happen in November). So I have decided to change that this year. Aside from the continuing drama of my bathroom falling apart thanks to my super awesome neighbor (which I have managed to handle without having a nervous breakdown or going apeshit on anyone - so far anyway), it's been an okay November. Other than feeling sorry for myself, which is pointless and ridiculous and in no way how I generally operate. It's really time to put some things away for good. Make some permanent changes. Endings are just another beginning, right?

Regarding my previous post about choosing - I am still having a hard time letting that go. Writing that certainly helped, but not as much as I'd hoped. I do realize that some people are meant to be a part of your life for a short period of time and you take what you learn from them and move on and blah blah blah. What I have learned from these people (this person in particular) is probably not a great lesson. Or maybe it is, just a difficult one. Don't waste your time trying to save people who deep down don't really want to be saved. I read something that has stuck with me (the funny thing about this quote is that it is from T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton, hardly the stuff of deep thinking):

In my experience, the urge to rescue generates aggravation for the poor would-be heroine without any discernible effect on the person in need of help. You can't save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don't appreciate your interfering with the drama they've created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don't want to change. This is a truth I never seem to learn.

It's time to learn that. Time to move on. I am sad for what was, not for what is. I don't even think I am mourning what could be. That is not a life I would choose for myself so why would I choose to have people like that around me? People move on and change. This time it is ME, and it's a good thing. So, it's at rest now, hopefully for good. A new journey begins in December.

Does Your Husband Help You?

2009-11-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

Chris Johnson: You have 23 minutes to score me 30 fantasy points. You can do it, you've done it before. I am losing the two games I wanted to win and won the one that it doesn't matter (however, I did beat my friend Nick who told me "you draft like a girl" while he currently sits in last place, which is always fun). Pick 'Ems were good this week. I have found that if I don't think on it too much and just click, it turns out better. I'm not having a horrible season. I would say not bad for a girl, but I only play with guys in 2/3 of my leagues, and I am beating all of them. So not bad for anyone. And also, I would never say something as ridiculous as that.

I get asked quite a bit, "does your husband help you?" UM NO. I play against him, why would I clue him into my strategy? A WORLD OF NO. However, I *did* help him last year. I've been playing fantasy football for 11 years. I need no help. JFC. I know more about football than your dad. One of the two guys who asked me that today is getting his ass kicked badly by me. I replied, "Does YOUR husband help you?" Bitch.

What is the big deal with women who are knowledgeable sports fans? Why is this so threatening to men? Or is it? I keep encountering this, "Oh this is super cute that you like sports" attitude from guys. What the shit? My husband knew he was hitting the jackpot when he married me. Aside from my love of all things dorktastic, charming personality, and supermodel good looks (okay, that might be stretching a little), he knew he was getting a football fan. A bigger football nerd than him. There are only a few topics of conversation that ever got discussed in my family of origin. They were: Politics, music, action movies, and football. I was just born this way.

Then hockey: Yeah, I kind of went off the deep end there. I add the "atic" to fan. Zac likes hockey, a lot. We have Center Ice. We watch hockey. All the time. But if like someone needed to come to bodily harm so that I could watch the Wings, I could make that happen. Easily. Zac actually turned off the game and started playing Guitar Hero during the SCF last year. I think it was Game 6. Yeah that sucks, but you have to keep watching. You don't turn off playoff hockey, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Guys, I am not watching sports because the guys are hot. I mean, they are, but that's not why I am watching. It is not enough to sustain a lifelong interest in a sport. But if I say, "Patrick Eaves has nice hair, or I prefer Z with a beard," don't discount me as a fan. I know how you roll, boys. Let's just for example, say that football was played by women and they all looked like Maria Sharapova. You guys would so be treating that as porn and you fucking know it. Don't even try to act like you wouldn't. Like you ever watched tennis in your life before Anna Kournikova came on the scene. Give me a fucking break. Any beach volleyball fans? Raise your hands, don't be shy. That is not a sport, you retards. It's chicks in tiny little bikinis flailing around on a beach. You can argue the merits of that sport as much as you like, but if I'm watching beach volleyball, have no illusions, those dudes better be hot, because I am not watching it for "sports" and neither are you.

It's 2009 gentlemen. There are just as many women who like sports as men. Maybe more. I meet men all the time who say, "I'm really not that in to sports," and I think, "weird, what is wrong with you?" So maybe I should stop doing that and maybe you should just automatically assume that the woman sitting next to you knows more about sports than you do.

13 minutes Chris Johnson. 25 points now buddy. You can do it.

My Favorite Commercial

2009-11-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

You must watch it:

I'm sick so not much to say other than I'm glad I a) picked up Brad Stuart on my fantasy team, I had a feeling about him this year, he is playing very well b) Laraque is a douche, but even Habs fans know that and c) Habs fans are classy, at least the ones I know. Quite possibly the classiest fans in hockey. Or maybe it's just that I have a bias toward Original Six teams. Or maybe I just have a bias toward the three out of those six teams I feel are hockey royalty. Maybe I am just on too many cold meds.

Anyway, enjoy that commercial, if you don't have FSD you won't see it.

The Wings and That Call

2009-11-19T09:45:00.000-08:00

I'm going to go there, eventually, bear with me.

The Wings played pretty badly last night.

Howard was decent - he continues to surprise me. I was not on Team Howard at all. AT ALL. I was stoked when he was a prospect because he played so well at Maine, but for the Griffins? Yuck. I figured he'd make it ten games and we'd get Larsson. The few games he's played are not enough to evaluate him fully, nor to make an actual decision about how I truly feel or what the future holds, but he's not sucking. I don't think it's quite time to flip out and acquire a veteran. I mean, would Ozzie have played better in those last four games? Who knows?

Now, Jonathan Ericsson might actually think he plays for the other team most nights. How many assists does he have for opposing teams? He has at least one goal. Yes, Ericsson is the new Samuelsson. Hey, tangent! Zac and I had a Samuelsson theory: Every game in which Sammy scored a goal, the Wings would win. I need to do some research. Maybe there should be an Ericsson theory. Only I dislike Johnny. A lot. Your superhuman healing abilities and Swedish good looks do not make up for your mistakes. Mikael "shoots wide" Samuelsson just annoyed me. I know you're young, Johnny, but these are crucial mistakes that cannot keep happening. They can't. When they lead to a goal or more a game, you are a HUGE (figuratively and literally) liability.

Lebda is everyone's favorite whipping boy, but try to look at it more objectively, people. Bertuzzi too. Look, he's kind of a dick, I think we can all agree on that. But he's not as bad as you're all saying. Sorry, but there are NO "gimmes" in hockey. Todd Bertuzzi can't get no love. In a jillion shots on goal, he'll get one in. But he's shooting, playing aggressively, and genuinely seems like he wants to contribute to the team. Will I ever like him? Doubtful. But Jonathan Ericsson has to go. I'm ready to trade him. How about we call up a Griffin, (Kindl maybe?) and send him to the Wild for Robbie Earl? Yeah, I love Badgers and I love Robbie Earl. I am aware we need no forwards. I ramble. You know this.

Another issue I am having is that it really seems that in a lot of games, when the Wings have a lead, even just a one goal lead, they hang out at the half boards and discuss their weekend plans and let Z, Datsyuk, and Homer handle shit. Not good. In Gary's World of parity, all of these games are important boys. Where is the spark?

Now, let's look at the bright side. All of these games haven't been like this. Yes, the Wings have been plagued with injuries, so has everyone else. There have been bright and shining moments where everyone is playing hard. It's awesome. You have what it takes boys, you can do it. I have faith in you. Not every game is going to be a winner. I know the flu is going around, shit happens, whatever. I needed to get the rant out of the way first. This is going to be a tough season, every game is going to have to be fought out for sixty full minutes. I do think it will be a winning season, just not won the way we're used to seeing in the past several years.

But back to last night. Kind of a lackluster performance. Then Z scores and they get some momentum going. A good and actually entertaining fight between May and Barch. And then May scores a goal. Or, wait.

It's no secret that bad refereeing is the gold standard in the NHL. Every game I watch (and I watch most of them), even if I don't care who is playing, at some point, I am probably going to scream at my TV about a bad call. Especially if Brad Watson, Stephane Auger, or Dennis LaRue are involved. Hey, guess what? Dennis LaRue made that call last night. (Yesterday was a sucktacular day for refereeing, in case you missed this one). Nobody is saying that allowing that goal (that clearly WAS a goal) would have led to a victory for the Wings. Would it changed the momentum? Probably. We can't know how the game would have ended. Perhaps it would have been 3-2 anyway. Maybe it would have gone into OT, ended in a shootout, maybe Dats would have scored, who knows? But that was a goal. Just like this was a goal.

How much of this are we going to see this season? Why even bother reviewing the play and getting on the horn with TO if it doesn't even matter. This is covered here and here please note this part: Rule 78.5 Disallowed Goals: (xii) When the Referee deems the play has been stopped, even if he had not physically had the opportunity to stop play by blowing his whistle. Retarded. Intent to blow. Watch the video again. Unless he was psychic, he did not intend to blow his whistle to end play. Or he decided the play should be stopped while May was shooting. And the INTENT part didn't even come up until today. Last night it was just the whistle was blown. Yeah, WELL after the puck was in the net.

Now I know referees are just human, prone to errors. And I'm not saying this is just against the Wings, not at all. This is a huge problem in this sport. New viewers frequently tell me that the rules are complex and they don't get it. Yeah, dude, me either, and I've been watching hockey for ages. This is just the most glaringly obvious bad call I've seen. I am pretty sure I would have felt that way if it had happened to ANY other team in the league, even that one. This has to be addressed by the league and the players association before nobody even cares anymore. It's a joke.

You Really Did

2009-11-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

Make me choose.

I would have made the choice anyway, but don't act like it wasn't a choice. It was all lip service - the "I am not making anyone choose my side in this fight." Well, her behavior was such that I could really not choose her side. She was verbally and physically abusive to you. Not to mention the repulsive things that she had allowed go on in her own home for so long. I had been afraid for her, then lost respect. And when she harmed you, scared you, and scarred you on what was supposed to be a happy occasion - of course I would take your side. A) I do not condone that kind of behavior - the kind she displayed, nor the kind she was allowing him to treat her and us with and B) You were the one who always stood up for her, and him, making it all seem okay, so to turn on YOU was almost unforgivable to me.

So we all made that choice (and it was a choice, let me remind you once again), with the exception of A, who had no choice, due to work conditions. And I was the one who listened to you cry, who held your hand, who helped you gain strength, and figure out who you were. Who heard and understood your fears that everyone would just forgive her like they always did, and you would be left alone.

But that didn't happen. Everyone was a team, rebuilding after so much damage had been done, and it's not like I really had anything against anyone anyway. HIM, yes, I did. He belongs in jail. He belongs away from humans. He will never be okay. Her, because she wasn't taking responsibility for her own choices, for the hurtful things she had done to you, me, all of us. But I was never really that pissed. I mostly just didn't care at all. You were though, and I was pissed for you. And I walked with you, all the way through every emotion. All of it.

Then it was her birthday, and she had broken up with him (though not really, as I learned later). So we all thought it would be shitty to be alone on ones birthday and we surprised her. It was awkward and weird and you were the one who was most worried about it but you were the one who ended up being most okay about it.

And everything went back to the way it was before, just like you worried it would. Only featuring YOU as the star player, and leaving me out in the cold. I would have come to this realization sooner but Zac is much nicer than I am. Making excuses for everyone. They are at this point in their lives, they are doing this, they think we're this and that and the other thing. I say bullshit. Things were okay before. Nobody had problems returning calls or emails before. And I'm not talking about forwards, "You are my bestest friend in the world" crap. Sorry if I send them, I do, I am superstitious. But If I call you 15 times since June and I get one call back in July saying, "Oh I am totally busy, sorry, sucky friend..." I get the hint. And you're not that busy, busy with your drinking, maybe.

I run my mouth and say some shit, sure. But you do too. You said the ONE thing that I just can't get over. Your cameo appearance at my son's birthday party is greatly appreciated, as is all you've done for us, especially with Dante, I will never forget that.

But I don't even know who you are anymore. Do you? Is this what you want for yourself and your life? If it is, awesome, best of luck to you. You won't even read this (and I'm not sure I want you to) but I needed to say it because it is time for me to let it go already. Feeling sad and angry about it is doing me much harm and there is so much more for me to be focusing on instead of the choices YOU make and mourning for something that is already long gone is just an exercise in futility.

I just miss you. And if I had to do it all over again? I would have made the same choice.

Stat Counter

2009-11-16T11:00:00.000-08:00

Is so awesome.

This post was going to be about other stuff, and I will get to it, as I have a propensity to ramble about the absurd. However, I am totally procrastinating today (which I'm sure comes as a big shock to you), so for giggles, I clicked on my stat tracker. I usually don't because it's kind of creepy to me, like I'm stalking you. I installed it for something to install. Sometimes I like to see if there are people actually reading it, and it shocks me that there are. Today I clicked on keywords just out of curiosity and this one came up:

Kris Letang

For real? I do think it's quite clear that I am a Red Wings fan and writing about Kris Letang is something I'm pretty sure I've never done. I read back far enough to verify this. But Kris Letang googler, this is for you.

I don't like the Penguins. I have family and good friends in Pittsburgh too (Hey Kelly). That made life sucky during the finals. Even my dad was on the Sidney Crosby train. He's not really much of a hockey fan so he buys into the retarded hype that Crosby is a golden god. He gets pissy when I talk about what a whining, diving, sack puncher I think he is (sorry Kelly). If there is one Penguin I kind of like, it would be Max Talbot. I should hate him with my entire being for game 7. I know this. But he is a leader. He should be sporting the C. I am fond of his inability to dress himself as well. It's almost charming.

But Kris Letang? Who fucking cares? Tyler Kennedy maybe. Stick licking weirdo.

Okay, I will admit I watched when Kris Letang and Tyler Kennedy did the weather. I am a glutton for punishment. I have not and will not watch the Cup shit. You can post it to me fifty billion times. I am not going to watch it. Even Sports Illustrated tried to make me look at it (although props to them for posting this picture as a full page.

I know people love Kris Letang's hair. What the fuck ever. Everybody knows Zetterberg has the best hair (and maybe Eaves might be giving him a run for his money this year). Yes, that might be the lamest, girliest sentence ever typed.

So Kris Letang googler, enjoy. I hate your team and don't even give a shit about him.

On The Trapezoid, Head Shots, and Long Term Contracts

2009-11-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

The quarterly NHL General Managers meeting was held this week in Toronto to discuss equipment and rule change issues that could affect game play and safety.

A hot topic of discussion was the trapezoid rule. Currently, goaltenders can only play the puck within the trapezoid behind the net. I think the point of this rule was to encourage end to end play, speed up the game, and enhance offense. What it has done instead is discourage puck handling goalies, increase forechecking in the defensive zone, and intensify injuries. However, the GMs chose to keep the trapezoid restriction in place, which seems to be hugely unpopular with the fans. I am guessing we will see this topic revisited before the season is out.

Another point of discussion was head shots and player safety. The pace of the game is much faster post lockout, effectively ending the neutral zone trap and the clutch and grab style that dominated the early ‘90s. Players are bigger and faster. As more teams break away from the dump and chase into more of a puck possession offense, player safety is a bigger concern.

Head shots are a huge topic of conversation right now, because while this kind of hit is legal, it is potentially lethal. Here’s a hit delivered to David Booth of the Panthers by Mike Richards of the Flyers on October 24th:

Or this hit by Curtis Glencross of the Flames to Chris Drury of the Flyers on November 7th:

While Glencross was suspended for three games, Richards was not.

These kinds of hits are becoming more frequent and no resolution was made at the meeting. Most GMs are in favor of changing the rules and this topic will be discussed and revisited when they reconvene in March.

Long term contracts were also discussed in the wake of the deals that Marian Hossa signed with the Chicago Blackhawks (12 years, 62.8 million, 5.23 million cap hit, age 42 at end of contract), Chris Pronger with the Philadelphia Flyers (7 year extension, just shy of $5 million cap hit, age 42 at end of contract), and Roberto Luongo of the Vancouver Canucks (12 years, $64 million, cap hit of $5.33 million, age 43 at end of contract). all of which are currently under investigation. The NHL may have an issue with the Hawks and Canucks, as those players are under 35, if they retire prior to the end of their contracts, the cap hit will be off the books. Pronger’s situation is a little different, as he will be 35 before his extension kicks in, saddling the Flyers with this cap hit for the length of the deal. The Detroit Red Wings are famous (notoriously so?) for making these kinds of deals with their players (Henrik Zetterberg with a 12 year contract, Johan Franzen with an 11 year contract). Many GMs feel that these deals circumvent the salary cap. Fans love them or hate them. As a Wings fan, I may be biased, but I do feel that given the current salary cap situation, teams have to do what they can to ensure that their star players can stay with the organization for their entire careers. It’s what the fans want. Nobody wants to see Sid and Geno broken up, or Toews, Kane, and Sharp go their separate ways. Unless the cap situation changes, I think long term deals are the only way to ensure that your franchise players will stay with your team, or not leave for the big money KHL.

While it seems like nothing was really accomplished at this meeting, it definitely gives the managers many things to monitor and discuss throughout the season in preparation for their next gathering in March. I do hope they revisit the trapezoid rule. I don’t like it, I think skilled goalies allowed more freedom to handle the puck would be an asset to their teams defensively. If head shots are such a concern, it would certainly reduce the occurrence of those as well. I do envision a rule change making head shots illegal next season, as I’m sure this is just the beginning of the kind of injuries we’ll be seeing in the upcoming months. As for the Hollandesque contracts? I’ve made it pretty clear I’d like them to stay. But with the current disarray of the NHLPA and the CBA due to be renegotiated after the 2010-2011 season (although they are at this point within their rights to reopen it), I’m guessing those deals will soon be a thing of the past.

Warning

2009-11-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

I've been drinking. If we had 24 hour video feed, I think The MacRosties would be the top rated show on television. I really don't think those of you who know us in real life understand what really transpires in this house. I know those of you that do are usually amused by us but for real, yo. We are not right. Especially when you add alcohol.

Here's the post I promised. Here are your Top Five Steves Zac would like to meet:

1) Steve Yzerman Obviously your top Steve. Sixth in career points, THE Captain, the one sports legend you'd like your child to look up to, leader of the Wings, hero of Detroit, no question for top Steve.

2) Steve Zahn Native Minnesotan (bonus points), quirky star of cool movies, enhances pictures (even craptacular ones like Sahara), stellar in Happy, TX, a dude you'd want to hang out with.

3) Stevie Wonder Makes the number three spot due to his really cool guest appearance on The Cosby Show, giving up the catch phrase, "Jammin' on the one."

4) Steven Seagal Hawker of energy drinks, star of movies that were cooler than Jean Claude Van Damme's, martial and recording artist, reincarnated Tulku... Like there is a cooler #4 Steve. Please.

5) Steve Stamkos Let's face it, hockey players are cool. If you read my blog, you know how we roll. Look at the notable mentions and you realize there are really not that many cool Steves out there. What really makes Stamkos cool? His 2009 hat trick against the Hawks.

Other notable Steves
*Steven Jackson
*Steve Young
*Steve Guttenberg

Steves He Made Up
*Steve Me Alone
*Stevil Kinevil

Addendum 12/31/09: It has been brought to my attention that Stephen King was erroneously left off the list. How could that have happened? Stamkos, you should have gotten bumped for him.

Recap of the Boring

2009-11-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

I have been half brain dead this week. For real. That's two great weekends in hockey. That post is inaccurate, I'm retarded. Feb. 6 and March 7 are two different months Jen. Granted, I have been busy and distracted. A couple of days ago I wondered if I had early onset dementia. For real. That is what happens when I get a cold and don't write myself enough sticky notes.

D started his second session of skating and it's good. We went on a mission of getting Zac new skates today as D gets free open skating now. Mine will suffice but I want new ones. I want hockey skates but I need to rent theirs first before I make the ultimate decision. Zac's are cool, they're Eastons and they're low end, but they still look like Zetterberg's. I'm a dork. Aside: Hey Reebok, quit putting Sidney Crosby on shit. I'm not going to buy it. I don't care if it is the most badass stick of all time. I will buy my kid a Forsberg stick before I buy him a Crosby stick. I don't care if it's blue and he is whining for it because it is his favorite color. NOT. GOING. TO. BUY. IT. EVER.

So we were at the mall and we never go there so we thought we'd take the opportunity to look around. What the fuck. Seriously, I could have done my own people of Walmartesque website if my stealth photography skills were better. I saw one chick wearing jean shorts, tights, and boots. People. Carrie Bradshaw is NOT a fashion role model. Also, hot pink makes no one look cute. Especially in denim - it makes you look like a hooker. And I think if the makers of Ugg saw the travesty of footwear at West Towne Mall, they might rethink the whole thing.

We did go to Hot Topic, even though I feel dirty shopping there. Really. Back in the day, we would have kicked everyone's ass at that place. The DIY aspect of punk rock is lost on these people. Another aside: How is your store trendy or goth or whatever if your WHOLE FUCKING STORE is devoted to Twilight? Really? There is another whole story here but it's a) embarrassing what I bought there (I assure you it wasn't Twilight related) b) I should have punched the cashier in the head but I'm devoted to a lifestyle of non violence and c) a story about me buying anything at hot topic and getting pissed off about it shows you that I am totally immature and overly concerned with stupid things.

So. To relax, I'm going to play Hit Me Mick while watching the game and maybe you'll get a drunken blog post about the Top Five Steves Zac would like to meet later.

The Greatest Weekend in Hockey

2009-11-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

For me anyway.

I am procrastinating today. Sweet Zombie Jeebus. I have about a million projects due in like three hours. Instead I have updated my status on Facebook, checked Twitter four hundred times, called Julie, made cookies with Deacon, rocked out to The Fresh Beat Band (that is a total commitment to procrastination), etc.

What I really want to tell you about is my upcoming weekend of awesome. It's in the distant future, but I am really excited because dreams really do come true.

The Badgers are hosting The Culvers Camp Randall Hockey Classic, which we were super excited about to begin with. Camp Randall is badass and the perfect place for a Winter Classic. So we thought, hmmm... if enough people go and with enough media coverage, Madison may get a Winter Classic at some point. Also, how kickass is it going to be to watch the women vs. Bemidji State then the men vs Michigan?

THEN yesterday they announced this - check that off my list of things to do. Well, partially. I still want to drink from the Cup.

SO. Friday: The Stanley Cup. Saturday: The Culvers Camp Randall Hockey Classic. Sunday: The Detroit Red Wings vs. The Chicago Blackhawks at the United Center. We have crapola tickets but they're tickets nonetheless. Perhaps I will upgrade, I do have time. It is enemy territory, a place where they chant "Detroit Sucks" even when they are not playing Detroit. But if Zac is rocking his new Kimbo Slice look (I SO wish I had a picture of it. He says it was unintentional but he has been catching up on The Ultimate Fighter lately), I think we should be okay.

The greatest hockey weekend EVAH. So far anyway.

Please Read This

2009-11-10T08:01:00.000-08:00

Sheltergirl and Coyote are two of the coolest chicks you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. And one of their friends is in trouble. Some of you may be able or willing to help. Please read this latest entry about the total loss of their friend's house due to fire and how you can help.

Thank you.

20 Years Ago

2009-11-09T19:06:00.001-08:00

I should probably write about Steve Yzerman but this is not a hockey blog even though I write about hockey. This is not a mommy blog either although I write about my kid. It's more of a random thoughts kind of thing.

I will say the HHOF Induction Ceremony was awesome. Brett Hull made me cry. I like him, I'm sort of six degrees of separation from him in a way. He went to UMD and Noel used to party with him. I like Luc, his speech (what I could understand of it, my French is rusty) was good too. I especially liked how Gary Bettman acted like he could understand it. My ass. Yzerman was pure class. His speech made me cry too, of course. Then Zac asked me if he could delete it off the DVR. No lie.

Back to 20 years ago...

I'm pretty sure we went to see Soundgarden but I could be wrong. I saw a lot of bands back then. I was skipping school the next day and was pretty hungover on my friend's couch and turned on the TV to see this: I always felt it was serendipity to miss school that day or I would have just watched it on the news later and not CNNified myself all day. I did realize at the time what a big deal it was even though I was hungover and only 17. Now I think, holy hell I am freaking old, why am I telling the whole world I was underage drinking? and NO, Reagan was not solely responsible for ending the Cold War - how tainted our world view is through rose colored glasses. I also realize Jen, you really need to work on not writing in run on sentences.

It was hugely important to me because up until that point, I was completely convinced that I was not going to live to adulthood - that the world was going to end in nuclear annihilation. For those of us old enough to remember such times, it was a very real threat. I often wonder if my son will laugh his ass off when we tell him about that. I remember in the months after the wall came down, for the first time, hoping that perhaps we might have civil relations with the Soviets (and now we have kickass Russian hockey players that can CHOOSE to come here and not defect! Who would have thought? The Russians DID love their children too, Sting!) Although, movies were a lot cooler back before the wall came down. Russian spies were scary. Insert random terrorist group here spies are just not as cool.

Anyway, I thought it was pretty important that you remember what happened twenty years ago. If you have any memories from that day or that time period, please feel free to share. Sharing is caring.

Now I am just convinced that we're going to have to survive a zombie apocalypse. Maybe 20 years from now I'll be writing a WWZ kind of blog?

Steve Yzerman

2009-11-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

What can I say about Steve Yzerman that hasn’t already been said far more eloquently? The longest serving captain of a single NHL team in history, Yzerman is more than just one of the greatest players of the game. If you ask many fans why they love the Detroit Red Wings, they will tell you, “Steve Yzerman.” He brought hope back to a fan base that had long yearned for a return to the glory days of the past. He was a dynamic player early in his career offensively, then later, developing in to a two way player that is the model for the franchise today. He led three teams to Stanley Cup victories - back to back in ’97 and ’98, then again in 2002. But that really doesn’t capture the essence of why we love The Captain. He is a true team player, a rarity in today’s world of superstars that love the spotlight. He is the man that has always felt more comfortable talking about the hard work of his teammates that made the improbable reality. He played through painful injuries to get to the goal of hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup. He is man who adores his family and appreciates his fans. He is the kind of sportsman I want my child to look up to. If you are a fan of hockey, you are a fan of Steve Yzerman. Congratulations on making it to the Hall of Fame, Stevie. It is well deserved.

Skating

2009-11-07T10:34:00.000-08:00

Skating is going really well. I used some bribery to cut down on the whining. Also, I determined that much of it is due to our huge leap in independence. He really doesn't want me on the ice and he is really frustrated with the fact that he isn't awesome yet. He is getting there though. The progress he's made in four weeks is quite astonishing. He's skating by himself, he can get up by himself, he can skate backward a bit, he's super fast, which is scary. He needs tons of work but for four weeks? I can't believe what he's done.

I can't say enough good things about their program. If you ever move to Madison, come to Madison Ice Arena and go through their Learn to Skate program. Stephanie Radloff is the best teacher ever. LOVE.

Deacon is in love with the Wings again (he is over his brief Habs rebellion), which I suspect is why he is trying to skate so fast. He loves Darren Helm. It's so funny. "I am as fast as Helm," "I have Datsyukian moves Mama" (that is my favorite saying ever), "I'm going to wear number 5 when I play hockey."

Indoctrination. It's never too early.

On the Last Day of Work

2009-11-05T20:07:00.001-08:00

Well for this week anyway.

It's been going pretty well. I've had three casualties, which is acceptable in a business that is based on rabbits because they, well, you know, breed well. They are abundant.

Today I got there early because I wanted to make sure everything was perfect so I could come home and eat pizza and watch the game. I am foolish for making such plans.

It all started off quite well, I got the dogs fed and started with the rabbits, then I heard the dogs going apeshit and just figured they saw a deer or something, but thought I should check. When I got outside there were FOUR dogs in the driveway. Newbie was cute, a chocolate lab. Not too bright though. Of course I am biased. I work with Australian Shepherds, Border Collies, and Siberian Huskies. Dull, this one, though, had the leash still attached. Not well versed in dog language either. Zena and Ruben are quite playful and he just keep looking at them, then at me, like, "WUT?" I figured he came from across the field because that is where they usually stare when they're barking in the barn. So I started walking that way. There is an electronic fence, there has to be, that place is ginormous and on a busy rural highway, and Ruben has a collar. The girls don't need one. SO. We're walking down the hill toward the field and Newbie takes off. Ruben takes off after him, past where the fence should have stopped him. Uh-oh. Zena goes after them. Lexi sits down and looks at me like, "You're on your own, sister, I'm out." And I take off on a sprint. Across a tilled 50 acre field. It's like my worst nightmare. Not chasing the dogs, sprinting. The first thought that goes through my head is "Rule number 1 of Zombieland - Cardio - You're going to need to work on that, Jen." I mean, I run and stuff, but like 2 miles at a time. I need to work on that too, I have a quarter coming up, but shit. I do not like sprinting. I am surprised I did not break my legs on that terrain, graceful creature that I am.

I found the dogs (and the neighbors, sweet people), got them back to the barn, got back to the business of feeding. I was hot so I took my jacket off. I put it on top of a giant stack of food and promptly forgot about it.

I had some extra stuff to do, Beelzebunny tried to attack me again (I am SURE I won't see her again. HER. She was mislabled as a buck. I KNEW she wasn't a buck because all the bucks are nice). I had some dudes I needed to pet because that's how I roll. So I am ready to go into the house and I can't find my jacket. FUCK. Ruben took it. Shit. My car keys and my phone are in there. So I go to the window and look out the dog door and yes, yes indeed, my jacket is out in the outer part of the kennel. Total awesomeness. So I'm like, "Shit, am I going to have to crawl through a dog door to get my jacket? Because that is pretty humiliating." But I actually figured out how to get in there without doing so. I think Ruben peed on the jacket but I am happy to report that my phone is intact and I had my pockets zipped.

House business finished and I get on the road. I was out there for an eternity. At this point, I am just hoping to get home in time to see the puck drop. And/or alive. And glad there is booze in the house. I get on the road and not 1/4 mile up it, the hugest buck I have ever seen in my life (and I have lived my entire life in deer country, barring the brief period I lived in Brooklyn) just saunters out on the road. I don't know about where you live but out here on country roads the speed limit is whatever. I don't even know what the posted is. It changes. Like the windy part is 40 but really, everyone goes like 70. Or more. I am paranoid during hunting season, I have hit a deer before. And I just had a feeling this week. I was going slower. Not slow, but not 70. I slammed on my brakes and they are probably fucked because I have never heard a noise like that from them either. But good thing they made that noise. Nobody saw him but me. The dude in the other lane swerved into my lane to avoid hitting him. I think he was probably at least a 20 pointer, maybe bigger. I need to tell Sue to tell the guy she lets bow hunt on her property to be on high alert.

I like the work and she pays well. The added bonus today was that I got in an unintentional high intensity workout and the shit scared out of me. It's also never good to be bested by herding dogs making you feel like all of your education and experience has taught you that you are an idiot.

The Wings won. Three in a row. And Scotch is good.

So

2009-11-04T10:42:00.000-08:00

Obama is in town today to speak at Wright Middle School. I totally spaced this out and assumed I would run some errands today. However, the entire city is on lockdown. There are cops and Men in Black everywhere, which is actually sort of cool. I'm surprised there were no accidents on the Beltline getting home from preschool though with all the gawkers. I am having the worst hair day in the history of hair so I assume this means that I will magically run into the President at some point this afternoon. I'm going to ask him about this if I do. What the fuck? If that isn't another sign that an apocalypse of some sort is nigh, I'm not sure what is.

In rabbit news, I had two bizarro tragedies yesterday. I wonder how often it happens for her, because it happens a lot for me. This time I found a teeny baby on the floor of the barn. Deacon was with me too. Luckily he was playing with the dogs so I could attend to that nasty business before he noticed. Now is not the time to explain the circle of life to him in greater detail than I did with Dante. I had to call her on this one - I had no idea how this would happen. Apparently they can get out through the wire and will just crawl across the floor looking for shelter and freeze. Yay. Depressing. I found another one in it's nest that is now frolicking in Valhalla. I hate that part. I am a fucking ray of sunshine, aren't I? Why am I even writing this? Freak.

I did not get to watch the Wings/Bruins game last night thanks to Versus. I did get to watch the Habs in French though which was highly entertaining. Of course I missed a fun one. I would like to once again point out the fact that Ericsson was not on the ice for this one. That is all.

This

2009-11-02T07:05:00.000-08:00

I couldn't agree more.

The Aftermath and I am Afraid of a Bunny

2009-11-01T10:24:00.000-08:00

Halloween was awesome. We camped out at Josh's house because his neighborhood is old school and that was a good call. Very reminiscent of our childhoods. D got a decent haul for a three year old. He kept forgetting to say "Trick or Treat" despite the fact that we practiced this several times, but it was all good. We even found a house that gave out full size candy bars (we won't forget her). Superman dug it.

I thought maybe the game last night might be the only horror movie I'd need but luckily I was wrong. I thought good thoughts after the Pens lost to the Wild. I really thought the Wings played well for the most part last night. They played 60 entire minutes at least. I think maybe a key point was that Ericsson WAS NOT ON THE ICE during this game. He has trade value, let's consider this while we can. Maybe he has potential. Let this potential develop elsewhere. This is your flavor of Haterade for today. A highlight for me was Darren Helm showing the world that he is the fastest man alive. I like. Homer always makes me smile. (Hey, if you want to know what's on my Christmas list, it's a Holmstrom jersey, just so you know).

The Wings are not on the decline people. This season is not off to the best start, we all know this. There are three Wings that are older than me, okay? Three that will catch up in the next three months. I have been around long enough to see bad seasons and this ain't one of them. Look, I have a cold. I am tired. I have the epic Packers/Vikings game coming up in two hours. I have nothing in the way of game analysis.

Now for the random weird stuff:
I am currently doing rabbit, dog, and other living thing care right now. I like doing this. It pays the bills, it is something I can do alone, it is routine and zen like. Rabbits are nice and predictable. I've cared for one before, Piper, who is feisty. I like her. She'll scratch at you if you get her on the wrong day. But now there is this one: He doesn't have a name, just a color description, because he is only six months old. He is totally adorable. He's a teeny little black dwarf. Dwarves are my favorite. They are usually friendlier than Dutch and Mini-Rex. Not this one. At first I was calling him Satan but that is too obvious. Ba'al? No, he is just Beelzebub. Honestly, I think he is the Antichrist, and he is pissed that he is not a person, but a tiny little rabbit. Look, you guys know I don't buy into that shit, but this could almost make me a believer. His eyes don't even look lagomorphic. They look human.

I am not afraid of animals. I have done dangerous and maybe what some would consider stupid things while working on farms. I am probably too trusting. I got mildly injured by Chuck, a ram, who was on the nice-ish as rams go, but a ram nonetheless (and it was during lambing season when they just sort of go insane). I had to pill him and he charged me. It was the only time he hurt me. He caught me off guard and Dante was off sniffing butts or something instead of doing HIS job. I have wrestled ginormous Mastiffs in order to clip their nails. Neither of those things hold a candle to all the fractious evil cats I have handled. FYI to those of you not in the know: Cats can be much scarier and much more dangerous than any breed of dog.

I AM afraid of Beelzebub. He probably weighs 8 ounces. We had a chat yesterday about calling a truce. How I need him to cooperate with me and he needs me to feed him. I need to meditate or something on my drive out there or he will smell my fear and capitalize on it.

Skating, Whining, Halloween, and the Wings

2009-10-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

Sort of all related, don't you think?

Skating went well today. It was the third session. I kind of figured he would pick up on it quickly as that seems to be how he has always been motorically. But dude. Today we got there and he grabbed a glider and off he went. Straight across the ice. "Mama, I'm in the crease!" Making my prediction/fear that he is going to want to be a goalie all the more real. Goalies are insane - think Dominic Hasek as your primary example. Or the Flower swearing to himself off in the corner when he lets one in. I'd really rather my kid be a power forward. I am getting ahead of myself.

He is just super motivated and intense. I'm impressed. However, he is whiny, which should not come as a shock to me, I've known him for three years. And part of his intensity comes from his desire to achieve mastery. And until he does, when he is tired or just done, he whines. It's annoying and embarrassing. We have had this talk. "Listen to your coach and no whining. Steve Yzerman is not a whiner. Nick Lidstrom is not a whiner. There is no whining in hockey." (At which point Zac always whispers to me, "Unless you're Sidney Crosby") Hehe. Jerks. I need to ask the Wishmaster for strategies next Friday so he doesn't become, "Oh great, that whiny kid is on our team." I am pleased, however, that the kid who belongs to Captain Hockey and has probably been skating a year longer than Deacon is now only marginally better than Deacon. Again, I am an asshole.

SUPER excited for Halloween. Of course it is super cold. Thinking Josh and Ryan's will be our home base of operations because they have Domo comics and I want one. Their neighborhood has a lot of trick or treaters too and I've had ONE in the last ten years. Not a prime neighborhood for candy acquisition. Zac was opening closets and shit and I asked him what he was doing to which he replied, "NOTHING." Shortly thereafter, he came out of the bedroom dressed as Clark Kent. Ass. So now I have Superman and Clark Kent. And no costume for me. I would have planned ahead had I known. It's cold but still... I could wear my Superman PJs I suppose, roll with the theme. Or hit up the Halloween Store for a Supergirl outfit. At least one member of my family would dig that. Well they both would but you know what I mean.

The Wings. Oh Wings, you are breaking my heart this year. What is up? You have all of the raw materials (with the exception of goaltending. Don't get me wrong, Ozzie is clutch. I love him. Not so much during the regular season, and Jimmah just needs to go. Why they did not acquire a goalie during free agency is beyond me. In Ken we trust and all that stuff but no. And Ericsson, why you gotta hurt me so? You're GIGANTIC, did someone forget to tell you that? Darren Helm hits harder than you. "Soft hands" sounds so gay, but you've got them homes. Either you ice it or you use your big gay soft hands to NOT clear it out of the zone instead setting it up PERFECTLY to the opponent directly in front of the net. I thought you might work on these things in the off season but no. You did not. Keep this up and you must go, loyalty be damned. I am not so full of hatred for Lebda as everyone else seems to be. He is not awesome but given the right pairing I think he can rock it. I get what they're trying to do, use their D to pinch, makes sense, and Lebda is the guy to do it, I believe in him. The problem is, nobody seems fast, nobody has any jump, nobody is playing correctly to make this work. Franzen out hurts like you punched me in the face. Flip out REALLY hurts. But you can still do it. If you believe. Like your fans do. This "The Wings are too old" shit is bogus. Look who *is* producing. The elderly. (By elderly I mean "my age"). No, the biggest problem in my opinion is their size. In the last ten years or so, the Euro finesse players were totally the way to go. Now, the young kids that are coming up are big, heavier, AND finesse players. And you can't just get knocked on your ass repeatedly. Datsyuk can get around that shit, and he's big, but not when they are double teaming him. Leino, now I think he could be the chosen one (and yeah, I am partial to Finns, WUT?) but he needs to bulk up and work on his forecheck. He is scary looking, he needs to deliver. Sidenote: I dropped him from my fantasy team last night and it was FUCKING painful. Crying painful. One must play like a heartless bitch in order to win though. And 11 fantasy points in ten games is not going to cut it dude. Step it the fuck up. If Uncle Mike sits your ass tonight, that means Nut up or Shut up. DO IT. All of you, for the love of God.

Happy Halloween. \m/

Recycling

2009-10-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot of stuff in a certain place lately about "I have not gone broke enough yet to start using margarine containers as tupperware yet."

What is wrong with that? If I was a millionaire I'd still do it. It's called recycling. Does it make your leftovers sad to be in such a container? Do your coworkers laugh at you? This is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. I have never owned real tupperware ever. Not when I lived with my mom, not ever. We went to tupperware parties when I was a kid in the '70's, but the only tupperware thing I've ever owned is that badass shape sorter. Or shit I have bought at garage sales - like the veggie tray. For real, it never occurred to me NOT to reuse those things. I have too many right now and it pains me to wash them and put them in the recycle bin when I'm done with them when theoretically I could be using them.

Why would I buy tupperware when the food I buy provides me with free tupperware?

I also save twist ties. I am not buying that shit. It comes free with your bread.

I reuse plastic bags for all kinds of things and will be sad when they don't give them to me anymore. I reuse paper bags too. I'm excited about the reusable bags too but I DO need plastic bags and buying them seems ridiculous. I'll have to have a neighborhood drive for plastic bags before they become illegal at stores because I sure as hell am not buying them for cat shit. Or dog shit in the likely event that I get another dog. I guess I'll have to save bread bags. OMFG bitches, have a heart attack right now!!!

I save and reuse many things. It's not cheap or chintzy or whatever the fuck people think it is. And if you think that, fuck you. I don't give a FUCK what you think about me. Recycling is cool, cooler than being a cunt for looking down on me for saving twist ties.

And if you don't recycle at all, even if you don't take it as far as I do, then you get this award

All is Right in the World

2009-10-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

Because the Wings won on the road after the worst first period in like forever. I seriously almost shut my TV off 30 seconds in to the game. But I can't do that because I feel like they need me to stare at them in order to win. Which clearly is not true because when Deacon woke up, the score was 2-1 Canucks and when I came back out 15 minutes later it was tied 3-3. But whatever, I choose to believe that. The Hockey Gods need me to watch them. And drink Labatt Blue Light. Maybe that's just during the playoffs, I don't know, I haven't tested that theory this year, could be why they're losing. Nonetheless, I will be wearing Yzerman to preschool tomorrow. I wore Zetterberg last week. I started off the year purely by coincidence two weeks in a row in RW tees so now I feel like for the entire school year I have to wear the winged wheel. A victory calls for number 19.

Care to comment, fellow weirdo superstitious sports fans? <-- and by that statement I mean "The Leafs are cursed by members of my family watching them." It's not true dude. But you believe it, right? Hockey fans are NOT like other fans, just like the commercials say.

So

2009-10-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

Well I might get my first fantasy hockey loss this week because the Avalanche have the flu, which is okay because I hate their fanbase, but sucks, because I have some dudes that I need to produce for me. The Oilers have it too. Everyone has it. Just please win tonight Wings. PLEASE? One road win? PLEASE? The Leafs won last night, you can do it on the road boys, come on.

Speaking of flu: I talked to bunny lady tonight, I am watching rabbits for the next week. I asked her about the flu and the hospital where she works. She says everyone has it. EVERYONE. She said so far it's not looking different than regular seasonal flu but that as nobody has immunity to it, it's just spreading like wildfire. It hits fast and hard. Awesome. I told Zac and seriously, before I was done telling him the whole story, he was chugging an Emergen-C and taking some vitamins. That's how we roll.

His day was worse than mine. A dude at his work drove a stand up forklift into the sprinkler, breaking it off, sending 750 gallons per minute shooting out of it. Z doesn't have a key to the pump room. They (and the fire dept) had to wait 30 minutes for the guy who does to get there. Also, one of the dock doors broke. Dude who did this had to do a drug test (he'll pass) but he won't be driving a lift anymore. Z and his coworkers spent the next four hours ridding the warehouse of water. Super. Before they could pick anything. FUN! During dinner Zac told me about this training video they watched recently that showed real life forklift accidents. Thanks for giving me something new to be paranoid about. He's been driving a lift for many years, totally not something I should worry about, perhaps his coworkers though. Jesus.

D and I had a better afternoon. We practiced trick or treating. He's super stoked. He does NOT want to help with the dogs though. He's still freaked out about Zena from last time. *Sigh* The boy only likes giant dogs. Just like his mom.

OK

2009-10-27T07:10:00.001-07:00

Merged an old blog with this one. Wish I could just merge my journal with this. Oh well. Anyway, this is basically my EB journal now. Just so you know.

Funny Stuff

2009-07-14T15:33:00.000-07:00

Been away from here for awhile. Reposted the Dante stuff from somewhere else so it was all in one place. That Favre shit is hilarious. Oh if I'd only known then what I know now. I wonder if I'll ever be able to watch the news without hearing his name. Or be able to have a conversation with my family without arguing about him. My dad is in the "he is a traitor" camp. My brother is in the "he is a diva" camp. I am in the "let him play in Minnesota, see where the chips fall, I don't really give a shit" camp.

What we've been up to:
Zac is working on becoming the greatest Guitar Hero player of all time. ;) He is also drawing a lot and thinking about apprenticing at a tattoo place of which there are about five jillion to choose from in the area. We are both recovering from the SCF this year.

Deacon is working on becoming the youngest Superman artist in DC history. He is also apparently working on driving me completely insane before his third birthday.

I am working on mind numbingly boring internet content that pays very little. I am daydreaming about cool projects that I should be working on instead of obsessively checking FB, Twitter, and Kukla's Korner. I also have been not running enough (though being sick put a damper on that but I do have a potential race to run in October and a definite race to run next May - which gives me plenty of time but way to aim low). I have also been thinking way too much about hockey in the off season but I guess that goes with the territory.

I did some pruning of the old posts but got bored so there is a lot of narcissistic bullshit still on here. I just didn't have it in me to care anymore. So much has changed, yet so little.

I am going to try to write more - more interesting (one can dream) - more often - about more varied topics instead of just whining, Deacon stuff, comic books, my falling down shack, and television.

Anyway, welcome back 3 readers.

Dante (originally posted 2/2/09 elsewhere)

2009-07-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

Well this was supposed to be about fun stuff and thingeys. But I haven't posted to it in forever anyway.

In April of 2000 I got a 7 week old Border Collie/Springer Mix and I named him Dante. I heard about the litter through a friend and I called Zac and asked him if I could get one because I knew if I went to look at them I would not be able to not bring one home. I drove in 13 inches of snow with it still coming down to go look at them.

There were nine in the litter and all the females were spoken for which was fine with me, I'm more of a male dog person. There were tricolors but I am a black and white dog person too. They were all adorable but she went to feed them and the rest of them all looked clueless except for one who was all, "Food! FOOD! FOOD!" That was the one for me. In hindsight I should have known that food would be his true love for the rest of his life. When I picked him up he smiled. I knew it was meant to be.

They weren't ready for a few days and when I went to pick him up he totally remembered me. We never had any of those weird puppy transitional things, he knew he was home and he knew he belonged to us.

I took him everywhere with me, he was totally our child. Luckily I worked for a vet because this allowed me to bring him to work with me. No dog was ever more spoiled. Or loved.

He was the most psychotic little thing. Super high energy doesn't even begin to cover it. I remember being mortified at puppy school - he had no idea he wasn't supposed to just romp around. But a few months later when we started obedience it was clear that he was highly intelligent. He was always the rockstar in class and we went very far. It was something we loved to do together.

Back to food... He was an expert at clandestine food stealing. He could just sail right past you and grab food out of your hand without you even knowing it which is how he got the nickname Dante McMuffin. There was also the chicken curry incident (which made him have red poop for three days) and various other humorous thieving.

When he was about two we started working on a sheep farm - a job he was designed for. Oh how he loved it. He was a natural. He learned the ropes easily and was always there to protect me if a ram got out of hand. He was a little stupid around the lambs though. I think he thought they were other dogs. Most of all he loved the other dogs. Snap, Mist, and Kelpie were his ladies. I think the best times of his life were spent on that farm.

He also learned how to pull a sled. He was great at that too. He had a hot pink harness, very manly. :) It was hilarious to watch a team of huskies and a dog that looked like a giant overgrown Border Collie.

He was super smart and good at everything he tried. I know I am probably overthinking it and bragging but I would venture to guess he knew about 500 words of English. You could tell him anything and he would do it.

He had serious allergies. He was sick his entire life. It started around four months. I think he spent most of his life with an ear infection. He was allergic to everything. Including humans. But for the most part it didn't stop him from being the happiest dog in town. He could win a wiggliest butt contest any day. His entire back half would wiggle. Greatest thing ever.

My son was born in August of 2006 and always has been in love with Dante. This kid was born to love dogs, he is just amazing with them. His first word was Dante.

In June of 2007 he got very sick. First he had Pseudomonas which was really hard to treat and later he got Lyme disease despite using preventive measures. We didn't think he'd make it through that, but he did. He was a fighter and he wasn't ready to leave us.

But now he is. On Wednesday he will be leaving us forever. And it is time. It's probably been time for a long time. I love him so much. This is one of the most heartbreaking decisions I have ever had to make. And I know that it will be okay for all of us. He will not be suffering anymore. And he will always live in my heart. But it is so hard. SO HARD. I don't know why they can't just live healthy and strong lives forever.

So if you've read this far, thank you. Thank you for reading about what makes Dante so special. He is a once in a lifetime dog. I will love more dogs in the future but they won't be Dante. And the process of letting him go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am still not sure how I am going to explain this to my son. I will tell him the truth in the least scary way. Our lives will have a hole for awhile. I know we are making the right choice but it doesn't make it any better.

I love you Dante and I will forever.

I don't have anywhere else to write this

2009-06-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough couple of weeks.

I love hockey. And usually I can maintain my calm through the playoffs. But never in my life have I encountered as much total douchebaggery as I have with the Penguins fans. Including people in my life that supposedly like me. Doesn't help that a bunch of my friends and family live in Pittsburgh.

Everyone who knows us is aware that we eat breathe and sleep the Red Wings. And that we take this shit way too seriously.

So why is it that they felt the need to remind us that Buttman's poster child was so fucking awesome? He is a dick and a poor excuse for a leader. Yeah, he is a great hockey player and he is shouldering a huge responsibility that he probably doesn't want. But you lead by example and he is a poor example of how to conduct yourself. Slashing, diving, crying. And why does he still live with Mario? Fucking weird I tell you. I am tired of him being shoved down my throat and I think I speak for everyone who is a fan of hockey that doesn't live in Pittsburgh when I say that.

Why did everyone need to tell me that Detroit (the city) is a fucking hellhole and that the whole GM debacle is what the state of Michigan deserves? Does this have any bearing on hockey whatsoever? My dad is losing his job because of GM yanking the franchise he works for. He is 59. Good luck finding another job that pays what he makes. My friends live in MI and are going broke, have no jobs, are losing their businesses, their houses, their lives. That's classy Pens fans.

When a person's life is tough, they look to sports or entertainment to lift them up. And the Wings never disappoint. And even in their loss, they did not. They fought to the end and yeah, they could have shown up sooner and played better. But they are PURE CLASS. Lidstrom, like Yzerman before him, is a perfect example to kids who love the sport on how to lead, how to be a team player, how to show good sportsmanship. That team played through injury and got all the way to game 7 of the finals. In the upcoming weeks when we find out just how bad everyone was hurt, we will be even more impressed with the tenacity of our beloved Wings.

And I check my phone this morning. I have one text from a good friend that says "Sorry." He is a Blackhawks fan so he wasn't exactly cheering for the Wings. But he is a Red Sox fan and he knows how important your team is. Class all the way. Much appreciated.

Another text, "Jon says hahahaha." I texted back, "Jon can fuck off." No class from me, I don't possess it. Had we won, I'd never do that. You can look back in another place to what I wrote last year. Not once did I neener neener neener. I gave props where props were due. I still think that Max Talbot and Jordan Staal are totally underrated and may never get the chance to shine the way they should while the spotlight will always be on Crosby. Who, by the way, is NOT a two way player. Malkin is turning out to be and deserved the Conn Smythe.

Now I have to go to a surprise fucking party for the above mentioned Jon. Who is from fucking Michigan. WTF? Dumbass. He likes to poke the bear. He might get punched in the head by Lo Pan for his birthday. I informed his wife that if he can't leave it alone we are leaving. I wrote down the movie times. I fucking love/hate hockey. I hate the fact that this year it became obvious that friendships will be affected permanently because of this series. I don't want that. It has never been a problem in all my years as a fan. But when you tell me for the last two years that Crosby is a superhuman and deserves the Cup more than anyone else and you wish ill will upon my team, it's city and residents, and all it's fans, you don't deserve to be a fan of hockey. Or my friendship.

You know what? There are teams I don't like for many reasons. But I respect them. And their fans. I used to respect the Pens and their fans. A few fans have been okay. But the grand majority have been fucktards. As of right now, I never want to set foot in that city or speak to anyone from it again. And my fucking grandma lives there.

So this party should be interesting. I hope nobody gets injured. Verbally or physically. Over goddamn hockey.

I sound like a whiny Pens fan which is why I am writing this here because nobody actually reads this shit. Other than game 5 the Wings didn't play like they wanted it. Props to the Pens, they did deserve the Cup. I still hate their fans.

Dante

2009-02-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

Project Runway

2008-10-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

For some reason I am totally addicted to this show. Like crack. I didn't watch season one. Then comic shop Bob asked me if I was interested in Season Two. I don't have cable so he taped it for me. I watched it in a giant chunk at the very end of my pregnancy when it was 5000 degrees outside, I was on semi-bedrest, and I couldn't sleep. It is a totally stupid show, I really don't give a shit about fashion, usually you can find me wearing a Captain America t-shirt and jeans. Occasionally I will throw on a cuter t-shirt and once in awhile I will put my contacts in. But I love this show. LOVE it. Like I HAVE to go get Project Runway on Thursday so I can watch it immediately or I am sad. This week Bob forgot it at home and I couldn't watch it until Friday and I felt like I was suffering from withdrawal. Also he almost told me who made it to the final three and I would have punched him ("Locke in a box").

This season the designers have been really good. I got them. Last season I didn't get it at all. Christian Siriano was interesting to me in a he is a cute little annoying pixie kind of way but to be quite honest, I thought all of his shit looked like Joan Collins could have worn it on Dynasty and it had zero relevance to the new millennium. I thought it was horrendous. I did like his use of "fierce" and "hot mess" but Zac was beyond fucking annoyed with him and pissed off that he won and vowed to never watch another episode of that show. And he secretly loves that shit. I have got him hooked on America's Next Top Model AND Big Brother.

I really liked Blayne even though I knew he would not win. He was adorable and even though his pooping fabric thingey was atrocious, it was interesting to look at and actually Avant Garde. Kenley's outfit was just absurd. So let's go there.

Kenley. She is beautiful and I LOVE her personal style. And I adore her little '50's shit. But she is the most annoying person ever to appear on Project Runway. Even Suede with his third person shit was less annoying than her. It seemed after a few weeks that she was not taking it very seriously. All of her eye rolling bugged the crap out of me. Then when she started talking back to Tim Gunn - OH NO YOU DIDN'T. I love me some Tim Gunn. He did not get chosen to appear on that show because he doesn't know shit about fashion. He is a guru. And she is a douchebag. And she only got worse. And did you notice that her accent got more and more nasaly and whiny as the season went on? And I know nasaly. I am from WI. I hoped and hoped she would not make it to the final three just because someone with an attitude like that does not deserve to be there. But then I saw that wedding dress. Be still my heart. I want that dress. I am already married but I would wear that dress just prancing around my house. I knew she was in. And her bridesmaid dress was fucking awesome too. And that made me sad. Because...

I knew Jerell would be out. And I love Jerell. He reminds me of my BFF Matt. Hot, stylish, confident, talented, etc. He was good and he won the final challenge so he should have automatically been on to Bryant Park and that just SUCKED. His dresses were atrocious IMO and so was his collection, but it still wasn't fair. I wasn't ready for him to be done.

Korto rocks and she better win. She is normal and I love her. And her beadwork is the bomb. And she is just cool. And I loved everything she did. Even if I would never wear it. And Tim told her that her collection was stunning when he went to visit her so I think she has a good shot.

Leanne has zero fashion sense when it comes to herself. I love her stuff, but she is a one trick pony with all that wavy shit. Her wedding dress was pretty and her bridesmaid dress too. But what? Are you going to put wavy annoying shit on all of your clothes? Women with hips cannot wear that shit. I know you are designing for stick figures but you are never going to have a Leanne for Macy's line with that. Ever. Korto can make clothes regular people can wear. I mean Michael Kors makes clothes for regular people as well as his fancy crap. That is how you rake in the big bucks.

But Kenley will win. That is my prediction. Something about Project Runway - they just want the most annoying person on Earth to win that show. What the fuck? If I lived in Ireland where you can bet on anything, I'd bet the farm on it.

Oh well, Top Chef starts in November.

Jean-Claude Van Damme

2008-10-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

I was looking for a picture of him doing the splits between two chairs because he seriously finds a way to do that in every single movie he is in, right? But I'm lazy and this is the best I can do for right now.

I kinda love Jean-Claude Van Damme. In that cheesy sort of way. I do realize he is a massive d-bag and not at all cool and that they should have made him stop making movies about 15 years ago, but whatever. He used to be hot.

We were at Target the other day and you know how they do those multi-pack DVDs now? Well they had a Jean-Claude Van Damme one. It had Kickboxer, Replicant, and Universal Soldier on it. Ehhh... not quite. If it had the trifecta of Kickboxer, Bloodsport, and Universal Soldier, I would have bought it in a fucking heartbeat, despite the "you should have mentioned this to me BEFORE we got married," comments from the peanut gallery. Those three movies are freaking awesome and YOU KNOW IT.

When I was like sixteen I thought that maybe I could be Jean-Claude Van Damme's seventh or eighth wife someday. He was HOT, come ON!

And he starred in Bloodsport. OMG I could watch that movie over and over. The funny thing is, ever since I became a mom I cannot watch UFC. I can't watch actual guys actually beat the shit out of each other anymore. I can only watch "sports entertainment" and movies like Bloodsport. Yeah it is stupid but it is based on an actual guy and features an Oscar winning actor which is more than most ridiculously stupid movies can say. It also features what is quite possibly the worst soundtrack of all time.

And he was the KICKBOXER. Just a hard luck dork who watched his brother suffer at the hands of that vicious fuck Tong Po, so he had to go to a far away country and learn the art of Muay Thai (kinda Karate Kid rip off style) in order to exact his revenge. I'm sorry but Kickboxer is a badass and totally stupid but extremely entertaining movie.

My brother and two of his friends and I went to see Universal Soldier the day it came out. We knew this would be box office crap (which meant gold in our opinions) because it also featured Dolph "I Will Break You" Lundgren. And it did not disappoint. It was completely laugh out loud hilarious with some awesome fight scenes and explosions. That movie rocks. We were the only people in the theatre that afternoon. We might possibly be the only people who actually paid to see that movie.

Zac thinks that Timecop is Van Damme's masterpiece. I disagree. Yes it had more plot than most of his movies and actually was his highest grossing film I believe, but I thought it was fucking stupid. Who cares if his acting was best in that movie? He's not supposed to be a good actor. He's supposed to kick some ass and look pretty in front of explosions and fire. This is what makes movies good to me. Actually here is the perfect formula: Kurt Russell + Natural Disaster + Explosions = Awesome Movie. I think Zac just likes Timecop because Mia Sara was in it.

I have not seen Replicant so I cannot comment on that. It's later Jean-Claude Van Damme and I suspect his movies do not get better as the years go on. I think the last one of his films that I saw was Double Team which is perhaps the worst movie ever. Dennis Rodman is in it, okay? Mickey Rourke is too but we're talking alcoholic, nobody will employ me, pre-Marv Mickey Rourke.

I am pretty sure I just talked myself into buying the DVD.

Dictators

2008-10-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of keeping this blog a politics free zone when I started it. But I just can't leave this one alone.

Dictators suck. I think I am overstating the obvious on that issue.

From Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry:
dic·ta·tor
Pronunciation:
\ˈdik-ˌtā-tər, dik-ˈ\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Latin, from dictare
Date:
14th century

1 a: a person granted absolute emergency power ; especially : one appointed by the senate of ancient Rome b: one holding complete autocratic control c: one ruling absolutely and often oppressively
2: one that dictates

The definitions in bold are particularly disturbing to me. And why I am not a fan of dictators.

Let's take a look at Merriam-Webster's definition of dictatorship:

Main Entry:
dic·ta·tor·ship
Pronunciation:
\dik-ˈtā-tər-ˌship, ˈdik-ˌ\
Function:
noun
Date:
1542

1: the office of dictator 2: autocratic rule, control, or leadership 3 a: a form of government in which absolute power is concentrated in a dictator or a small clique b: a government organization or group in which absolute power is so concentrated c: a despotic state

Hmmm... Interesting. Which makes the following video a tad baffling and all kinds of WHA? HUH?

For reals? Fascinating. We'll get back to that.

Famous Dictators Throughout History (current dictators included):
Joseph Stalin
Saddam Hussein
Fidel Castro
Adolf Hitler
Ayatollah Khomeini
Mao Zedong
Kim Jong Il
Manuel Noriega
Benito Mussolini
Idi Amin
Pol Pot
Muammar Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
Pervez Musharraf
Slobodan Milosevic
Nicolae Ceausescu
Chiang Kai-shek
François Duvalier
Ho Chi Minh
Raul Castro

Wow. Those are some awesome guys. I can see how one would aspire to be like them.

Here's Sarah Palin talking some shit about dictators and how evil they are and how Obama is a moron for wanting to talk to them (I am paraphrasing of course and I left in my boyfriend Joe Biden for some sanity in bizarro world):

Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy. I'm confused. The McCain administration wants to deal harshly (or not at all) with dictators yet McCain himself has always aspired to be one? Weird. He is a "Great American" but he wants to grow up to be a dictator? Super! I thought most great Americans wanted to grow up to be astronauts or doctors. Dictators, huh? I must totally not have my finger on the pulse. I hope my kid does not want to grow up to be a dictator. I am kind of hoping for "I want to be Spider-Man or Sidney Crosby," not "Mama, I want to be just like Kim Jong Il when I grow up." I'm sorry you guys but I am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around all of this.

I may be a brainless radical left wing tree hugging wannabe hybrid driving formerly pot smoking social program loving PATRIOTIC idiot but I don't want to live in an autocracy with a DICTATOR ruling me. And with all due respect, I can't see how any respectable right wing fiscal conservative family values Christian, whatever label you want to give yourself person on the other side of the fence would either. I think that is something all of us can agree upon. Pass it along to your friends. People need to see this.

Okay, hopefully that is the first and last political post of this blog (but I suppose, don't hold your breath).

Stay tuned for topics such as Jean Claude Van Damme, Edward Cullen, Clowns, WWE, cheesecake, Heroes, Project Runway, and Skateboarding.

Conspiracy Theorist Neighbors

2008-09-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

That's what Zac and I are. For reals. We really need to be writing comic books, novels, or screenplays. Seriously, we have an in depth theory on all of our neighbors. The scary thing is, we are right most of the time. Not all the time though. We thought our neighbors across the street were drug smugglers due to the fact that people came and went non stop at all hours of the day and night but it just turned out that she runs a drop in day care 24 hours a day.

We have been this way since we met. We thought our upstairs neighbors at the Island of Serenity were crazy whacked out psycho alcoholic lesbians and we were right on the money. They argued night and day. Loudly. They were cool as hell when they were normal but most of the time they were total nutjobs. And more entertaining than daytime television.

Then when we moved to our current location the fattest man I have ever seen with my own eyes lived upstairs. They had moved from far away so that his wife could attend Medical School. Someone was crying all the time. We thought it was her because he seemed like a total asswad. And the acoustics in this place are all kinds of fucked up so everytime I was in what was then the computer room I could hear loud sobbing. Like twice a day. So we had all these wild fantasies about him not letting her call her parents or that he was keeping her hostage when she wasn't at school or things of that nature. But then we found out it was HIM that was crying. That made it even better. WAY better. They never talked to us, ever. And I am the kind of person who says hi to everyone. Including my weirdo autistic mailman who has never ONCE replied to me. How weird is that? Anyway, one day Crying Man locked himself out of the building and Zac and my brother had to MacGuyver their way upstairs to let him in. Turns out he was in fact kind of a psycho. Finally they left. I did enjoy the fact that the mailman always left his Big and Large catalogs out in the open for everyone to see. Fucking rude of him but funny. I didn't know they made 6XL.

Then there is the house kitty corner to us. I think they might have moved. They have a hot tub out back, a big one. There was always a party going on over there. Non stop. Early in the evening on Friday until Sunday night. Tons of people. Every weekend. We totally think that they were swinger orgy sex party people. They had giant privacy fences so I don't think we were wrong about them. Gross, I never would have bought that house. Think of all the spooge in every random location.

We also have Angry Asian Man living across the street from us. He gets all wound up during Packer games, gets super drunk. and yells racial slurs from his front porch. Including the word you never ever say. In a primarily black neighborhood. That's a good one to sit out front and watch unfold. What is also entertaining about him is the way that he mows his lawn. I don't think he ever has before he bought the house. Like there is no rhyme or reason to it. Diagonally, up the hill, across the hill, in a circle, whatever. He probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and his lawn mower probably weighs 80. It's old school. God we are total assholes. This year I noticed he left the job up to his wife. She does in fact grasp the concept of mowing.

We are weirdo neighbor magnets. Our current theories are fun. There is a house up the street that features a parade of various women letting a giant dog out to pee. Zac has decided that is "Lesbian Party House." There is a guy in a white car that comes to our building bringing a sealed box and what appears to be a jug of moonshine and we think that he is our creepy neighbor's NAMBLA buddy. We also think that the people in the next building over are connected somehow to the Russian Mafia. Don't even get me started on the building on the other side of us. I don't know what kind of transient weirdos live there. If there wasn't a six foot privacy fence I would have many more theories. I wonder if car thieves live there. It seems like every now and again a car comes tearing in there super fast with the law right on their ass. This neighborhood is much better than it used to be but I'm not stupid. Time to bring the dog in at that point. Not stretch your head to see over the fence as Zac is prone to do. I've seen cops crouching behind their cars with their guns drawn enough to know that.

I could go on and on.

Oh, everyone in our neighborhood is referred to by their nicknames we have given them as well. Such as Running Man and Beagleman. Not Beagle MAN, Beagleman. Not very creative. We used up all of our creativity dreaming up what our neighbors are doing in their spare time.

I guess maybe be thankful you don't live in our neighborhood.

Neil Patrick Harris

2008-09-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Not exactly "stuff" nor "thingeys" but I love me some Neil Patrick Harris. I have loved him since Doogie Howser. It was kind of a stupid ass show, but maybe I just secretly wanted to be a tweenage doctor. Hell, I still want to be a doctor. But I don't want to go to med school. I shall be a doctor after the apocalypse, but that is a whacked out story for another post. If I ever get a Schnauzer, his name will be Doogie. I also liked his way ahead of his time blogging at the end of each episode. Tres cool. And the dude can even make fun of himself while shilling for Old Spice:

He rocks in the Harold and Kumar movies. I like a guy who can make fun of himself. Or make a HUGE ass of himself. Hilarious. (This one is long but if you don't feel like watching the whole movie you can just watch this).

What I really really love about NPH is that he doesn't feel like he has to be anything other than himself in an industry that most people have to adopt some kind of uber fake persona to fit into. Who cares what your sexual preference is? I don't. Do you care who I am sleeping with? Well I know that Lo Pan does, but that is because it is with him. But the rest of you? Didn't think so. And it's not like it affects his roles at all. Because Barney Stinson is the most awesome character on broadcast televison today - possibly ever. If you do not watch How I Met Your Mother, put it on your Netflix queue or get it however you "acquire" your programs. It has a great cast (Willow is in it too), great writing, and a big heart. And then there is Barney. The biggest douchebag womanizer on TV. Played by NPH.

And he can SING. And he's a friend of Joss. Could he be cooler? I'll get to Joss in a later post. Have you guys seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog? Get thee to iTunes if you haven't. That one you need to pay for so they can make more. Here's my favorite song from that. I have watched it way too many times. Just like Buffy and Angel. Dork.

And the coolest thing of all? Being a mom, you are pretty fucking cool if you appear on Sesame Street. Here he is talking to Elmo. Because my son will want to watch this eleventy million times and then I won't have to go looking for it again:

Be still my heart. I love you Neil Patrick Harris. You always make me happy. And that is a very great gift.

Tacos

2008-09-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

Food of the gods. We have eaten tacos for dinner like 30 of the last 90 days. My love for tacos knows no bounds. I'm not talking Taco Bell either, they're good and all but Taco John's is better. I'm talking about homemade tacos. Homemade in that you buy the shells, seasoning, vegetables, cheese, sour cream, meat, and whatever else you want on them. Not the healthiest of foods but not the unhealthiest either. I suppose it all depends on what you put on them. You could do an all veggie taco, or use chicken, turkey, or fish. Although I don't believe in fish tacos. It's kind of like how chicken does not belong anywhere near breakfast. Fish does not belong anywhere near tacos.

According to the very reliable source Wikipedia, tacos were being eaten in Mexico long before the evil conquistadors showed up (although they were made with fish, thus making my last statement very very wrong).

I enjoy watching Rick Bayless on PBS - Mexico: One Plate at a Time. He has made some badass tacos based on his travels throughout the Yucatan Peninsula. I would like to try them. Perhaps if I ever get his cookbook from Paperback Swap I will do just that. I am cheap like that. But I really like the Americanized (read: bastardized) version of the taco.

I will admit that LaBamba makes some wicked awesome tacos. They are very spicy. However they are a franchise so they may have lost some of their authenticity along the way. And they are better known for their burritos as big as your head. Which are also delicious. If you've been drinking heavily all evening.

So here's to you tacos. I think I will eat you now.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

2008-09-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

Only the best cheesy movie ever. I do like some good movies but generally my tastes lean toward the craptacular and this is the cream of the crop. If you don't like this movie, you are lying. Who can resist Master Blaster, Tina Turner, and Mel Gibson in his pre-crazy years? That's right, nobody. Find me one person who has not used the phrase, "two men enter, one man leaves."

We are even taught a tale of compassion, when Max refuses to kill Blaster because of his developmental disability (even though Tina has him killed anyway and exiles Max to the desert. You don't get those legs without making a deal with the devil). Who run Bartertown?

Then the creepy children find Max and nurse him back to health. He then crushes their dreams by telling them that the world is all kinds of fucked up. But they do not give up hope and go to Bartertown in hopes of escaping. Max helps them. Yay!

This movie was not available on DVD FOREVER. Finally, it was re-released. You would have thought that we found the Hope Diamond the day we scored it at Best Buy.

The very best thing about this movie is the use of the phrase "Beyond Thunderdome." It's original usage in this context can be credited to Green Bay's Tim Friedemann. Next time you see or hear something that is the most fucked up, jacked up, crazy ass shit you have ever seen/heard, you can say, "That was Beyond Thunderdome."

I will give you some examples. If you see a 300 pound circus clown wearing a purple spandex unitard riding a unicycle backwards down your street while eating a corn dog - that is Beyond Thunderdome. If your best friend changes her name to $%@ and elopes to Antarctica with a guy she met on Spring Break to save the penguins - that is Beyond Thunderdome. If someone comes into the television station you work at to tell you that she is receiving transmissions from outer space through her fillings from your broadcast signal (this actually happened to me) - that is most definitely Beyond Thunderdome. Use it. Embrace it.

That Press Conference Was Sad

2008-03-07T18:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah I cried. Who didn't?

Go Here And Click on the Brett Favre Video
Sorry I couldn't just find it on YouTube

And then there is:

The End of an Era

2008-03-04T07:20:00.000-08:00

So Brett Favre is retiring. I saw this coming while everyone else I know was in complete denial. This was a storybook season, although it ended too soon. I think with Favre they had a shot at a great 2008-2009 season, but it sure wasn't a given. And wouldn't you rather go out great then possibly have a 4-12 season (which the Packers are certainly capable of, even with Favre). I love football and it's going to be SO WEIRD to watch the Pack after 17 glorious seasons with Favre. Aaron Rodgers has potential and we have a lot of his rookie cards but I have heard rumors galore that he is not well liked by the players and they do not look at him as a leader. Which is a HUGE problem. I think the likelihood of him getting traded for either another QB or a better draft pick is good. I was looking at the free agent QBs and the Packers better get on that soon. There are a couple of players I think would be worth picking up - maybe Carr or Leftwich - but that's about it. No Culpepper please. It's going to take awhile to rebuild regardless of who becomes the man. And that sucks. It's hard to watch your team suck. Just ask Zac, who has stayed loyal to his beloved Lions despite their never ending suckitude. I don't even know if there is anyone good available in the draft and with a shitty first round spot, that is irrelevant anyway unless they trade up. And you can't throw a newbie in with good results in most cases. SO while it's sad, I think he made a good choice. You don't want to go out craptacularly. Now it will be interesting to see which network throws a floppityjillion dollars at him for phase 2. Unless he wants to go back to Mississippi and fade into obscurity.

Gonna try to find Deacon a mini Favre jersey today.

In Case You Were Wondering

2008-03-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

About Jenny Quarx. My name IS in fact Jennifer, but I prefer to go by Jen or Jennifer, never Jenny.

But I am a comic book nerd. And I LOVE The Authority and Planetary. Here goes - this is only gonna skim the surface. I'm gonna gloss over some major important stuff because most of you don't care. So don't call me out on omissions. Visit your comic shop or do some googling for more info:

I really wanted to be Jenny Sparks, but it was already taken. Jenny Sparks was the Spirit of the 20th Century. There is a group of people that were born on January 1, 1900 - the Century Babies - that had cool powers. Her powers basically control electricity. She also doesn't age. Her moods are very influenced by world events. She's basically a hot blonde, ass kicking, chain smoking, Union Jack wearing chick. She started off in Stormwatch, then went on to form The Authority and well, you know, save the world a lot. She died at the end of the 20th century.

On January 1, 2000, Jenny Quantum, also known as Jenny Quarx was born. She is the Spirit of the 21st century. She was adopted by Midnighter and Apollo. She can teleport. She currently leads The Authority.

So that is it in a nutshell. It's not some cute little name (although it IS a cute little name), it has important comic bookey stuff behind it.

Oh, and no, my kid is not named for that Apollo. I'm not that big of a nerd.

2008-02-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

Dude, I am totally saying that the next time the Jehovahs or any other sharply dressed young people show up on my doorstep (or accost me in the parking lot) asking me if I have been saved.

Speaking of mindless dogma, I am getting a little worried about Mike Huckabee. With McCain's newest scandal (that he reportedly was banging a female telecommunications lobbyist), I think the Huckabee campaign is going to be gaining momentum. You know those Republicans - always so worried about who so and so is boinking (although I think doing an intern is a little less inappropriate than literally getting in bed with the FCC). Personally, I don't give a shit if any public figure is cheating. It's not relevant. Anyone who is a big enough egomaniac/sociopath to want to be the president obviously already feels like rules and morals don't apply to them. But given our recent history of fucking over the Democrats (even if they actually won the election) in favor of a conservative Christian, I'm scared. And with Huckabee's less than brilliant idea of abolishing the IRS (which is a nice fantasy, I'll give him that), I'm afraid that low income undereducated people will go for it. It really bothers me that although The First Amendment provides for freedom of religion (which also means freedom FROM religion), I get the impression that Christianity is the officially sanctioned religion of the United States, and if you are a non believer, you might as well believe in animal sacrifice. It's upsetting. And terrifying. This post is all over the place but I hope you get what I was trying to convey.

Hey Jackass

2008-02-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

Yeah you, driving the Mercedes Benz. It's fucking winter here and the roads are icy. It's too cold for salt to work even if we lived in a city where salt was used. I know that you must be important to drive such a fancy car so therefore you must have business that needs to be dealt with RIGHT NOW as you talk on your cell phone and drive inattentively. I really don't know what you are doing in this part of town anyway. If you park that car at Cub for too long, it is likely to get stripped in under ten minutes. Or better yet, stolen. But I digress. I have a child in the back of my car and I just want some goddamn groceries. I would rather not be out today seeing as it is -500 degrees out yet again, but if my kid doesn't have goldfish there will be hell to pay. So could you get off the fucking phone until you reach the parking lot and quit following 1/4 inch behind me? Because you must be an idiot. If you slam into my car that a generous blue book estimate has at $2500 with your $70,000 car wearing an Armani suit and coat, I think you will likely be fucked. And you're lucky that my husband wasn't in the car because he would have beat you to death in the parking lot for jeopardizing his family anyway.

That is all.

Stuff From Today

2008-02-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

I kinda posted some of this elsewhere but I would like to elaborate so it's going here too.

Giving notice at work went well. People seemed genuinely sad that I was leaving. Joel said I can come back if Zac's schedule changes. So I guess that's as good as it can get. And Heather is working for me on Friday which means I can see my guys and get some stuff done around the house, so yay for that.

Madison is super green and won't use salt
on the roads because of lake contamination. Which sounds like a good
idea in theory but not practice. I think I speak for everyone in
Madison when I say, "Fuck the lakes, put some goddamn salt on the
roads." The ice and snow happened on Sunday and early Monday and the
roads are still nearly undriveable. I completely spun out on Seminole
Highway on the way home and I am SOOOOOOO lucky that nobody hit me.
Usually there is massive amounts of traffic going both ways. It is along the Arboretum (so - pretty drive) and connects PD with the on ramp to the Beltline so - usually crazy busy. Today when this happened there was just one car behind me and he was going slowly. Divine intervention, I tell ya. If there had been a car going South, I wouldn't be writing this right now. Although that van is so old it probably would hold up like a tank. Not alot of fiberglass shit on that thing. Wish they still made cars that weren't plastic.

Today is our primary and I can't wait for the Hillary Clinton
people to quit fucking calling me. I swear to God they have called me
five times a day for the last week. It's not helping, Hil. I DID
almost go see Bill speak on campus last week but that's just because I
loves me some Bill. I really liked it last time around when Al Gore
and Bill Clinton left messages on my machine asking me to vote for
Kerry. That was pretty cute. I am not voting for Hillary. I think she has some great ideas, especially when it comes to health care and poor people, but I think
it is possible that she is a cyborg and frankly, she kind of creeps me out. Doesn't she seem like an uberbitch? I'm an Obama girl, myself. I like him. I think he is smart, has new ideas, will help the downtrodden, and oh yeah, he's not a Republican. I'm quite sure he believes in evolution as well, unlike Mike Huckabee who is probably worse than George W. Bush. I think even Mitt Romney thought so. That seems to be the only logical reason he dropped out of the race when he was just gaining momentum. McCain is okay, as far as Republicans go, but a) he will never end the war b) he's a rich old white guy and c) his "I'm gonna kill myself" comments made me want to kick his ass. Oh, yeah, and he's a Republican.

On the kiddo front - Deacon's been crawling around with Dante pretending he is a dog.
It is pretty cute. Dante is kind of over it, but he's doing okay - I am just trying to praise him as much as possible when he is behaving the way I would like him to.
Sometimes I slack in the dog training department and this dog needs a very experienced owner or he will run all over you. And piss you off. Deacon has been pulling On Talking Terms With Dogs - Calming Signals
by Turid Rugaas and Dog Language by Roger Abrantes off my shelf and
studying them so I think he has a bright future as an animal
behaviorist.

Oh and This Just Amused Me

2008-02-18T19:13:00.000-08:00

moar humorous pics

So It's Been Decided

2008-02-18T18:59:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I will be putting in notice at my job.

****Edited****

Now I'm gonna start playing April's grocery game and save us some money there. It'll probably end up saving us more money than I ever could have made at work.

It's actually bittersweet, but when I don't have to get up at 5:30 anymore, I will know that I made the right decision.

Snow, snow, and more snow

2008-02-17T10:33:00.000-08:00

As if it weren't enough that we've beaten the all time record and had fifteen inches of snow less than two weeks ago, it is snowing again. And it was warm and melty first so this should make for some awesome road conditions. I think the forecast calls for 0-infinity inches, with an average of 9-12. Splendid. And I have to work tomorrow which means I have to dig my car out, spend an hour scraping ice off, only to go make ~$0.99 (okay I'm exaggerating but not by much). Oh well. Such is life in the Midwest.

I'm really tired and should have taken a nap but I am super addicted to www.freerice.com. I can't stop playing it. I'm going to have an amazing vocabulary while feeding the hungry. Best.Game.Ever.

Yesterday we finished the resumes and sent them off to the railroad and an oil company both based out of Superior. The railroad had a very intense application process. I hope that Zac can get in there. Even though that would mean I would be away from him for some time and have to figure out how to get my house in easily sellable condition very quickly while caring for a toddler with enough energy to power all of Dane County. But challenges are good, right? Having never really moved very far before, this will all be new to me. Hurry up with those checks GWB. I really need that one now. The tax refund, while not here yet, will immediately be sent on to someone who is knocking down the door for it.

OK, that was a super boring entry. But oh well. On to more freerice.

I'm a Weirdo

2008-02-14T15:16:00.000-08:00

So Deacon and I were playing with his guys today. He's got both DC and Marvel guys. His favorite is Batman but he calls all of them Batman right now. He also really likes Superman. He likes to fly him around the house with sound effects and all. Sometimes he has two Supermen flying at the same time - Superman and Earth-Two Superman. (He's a very advanced child).

Anyway, I was on the anti-registration side of Civil War and am a HUGE fan of Captain America. We have Iron Man and Spider-Man in addition to our many Supermen. I like to make Spider-Man kick Tony's ass because we currently have no clear cut bad guys and what fun is playing with action figures if they don't fight, right? So this is what actually came out of my mouth while playing with my one year old son:

"You see, Tony Stark has lots of money and built himself this rad suit. After a tragic event in Stamford, CT,the public goes hysterical, and the government decides that all superheroes must register with them. Superheroes who don't register are subject to punishment. Cap refuses to assist them so he has to go underground. At first Peter Parker is on Tony's side and publicly unmasks himself but soon realizes that he has made a mistake so he joins Cap's side. A lot of other crazy stuff happened, and I'm sure Tony meant well but all of this led to the death of Captain America so Peter is wicked angry and that is why he wants to beat up Iron Man."

A) Clearly I need help.
B) I think that might have been a little too much exposition.
C) Being a parent is awesome.

OMG

2008-02-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

By LOLITA C. BALDOR, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - President Bush has ordered the Pentagon
to use a Navy missile to attempt to destroy a broken U.S. spy satellite and thereby minimize the risk to humans from its toxic fuel by
intercepting it just before it re-enters the atmosphere, officials said
Thursday.

The
effort the first of its kind will be undertaken because of the
potential that people in the area where the satellite would otherwise
crash could be harmed, the officials said.

Deputy National Security Adviser James Jeffrey, briefing reporters
at the Pentagon, did not say when the attempted intercept would be
conducted, but the satellite is expected to hit Earth during the first week of March.

"This is all about trying to reduce the danger to human beings," Jeffrey said.

Gen. James Cartwright, vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff,
said at the same briefing that the "window of opportunity" for such a
shootdown, presumably to be launched from a Navy ship, will open in the
next three or four days and last for seven or eight days. He did not
say whether the Pentagon has decided on an exact launch date.

Cartwright said this will be an unprecedented effort; he would not say exactly what are the odds of success.

"This is the first time we've used a tactical missile to engage a spacecraft," Cartwright said.

After extensive study and analysis, U.S. officials came to the
conclusion that, "we're better off taking the attempt than not,"
Cartwright said.

He said a Navy missile known as Standard Missile 3 would be fired in
an attempt to intercept the satellite just prior to it re-entering
Earth's atmosphere. It would be "next to impossible" to hit the
satellite after that because of atmospheric disturbances, Cartwright
said.

A second goal, he said, is to directly hit the fuel tank in order to minimize the amount of fuel that returns to Earth.

Software associated with the Standard Missile 3 has been modified to
enhance the chances of the missile's sensors recognizing that the
satellite is its target; he noted that the missile's designed mission
is to shoot down ballistic missiles, not satellites. Other officials
said the missile's maximum range, while a classified figure, is not
great enough to hit a satellite operating in normal orbits.

"It's a one-time deal," Cartwright said when asked whether the
modified Standard Missile 3 should be considered a new U.S.
anti-satellite weapon technology.

Cartwright also said that if an initial shootdown attempt fails, a decision will be made whether to take a second shot.

Jeffrey said members of Congress were briefed on the plan earlier
Thursday and that diplomatic notifications to other countries would be
made before the end of the day.

Shooting down a satellite is particularly sensitive because of the controversy surrounding China's anti-satellite test last year, when Beijing shot down one of its defunct weather satellites, drawing immediate criticism from the U.S. and other countries.

A key concern at that time was the debris created by Chinese
satellite's destruction and that will also be a focus now, as the
U.S. determines exactly when and under what circumstances to shoot down
its errant satellite.

The military will have to choose a time and a location that will
avoid to the greatest degree any damage to other satellites in the sky.
Also, there is the possibility that large pieces could remain, and
either stay in orbit where they can collide with other satellites or
possibly fall to Earth.

It is not known where the satellite will hit. But officials familiar
with the situation say about half of the 5,000-pound spacecraft is
expected to survive its blazing descent through the atmosphere and will
scatter debris some of it potentially hazardous over several
hundred miles. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because of
the sensitivity of the matter.

The satellite is outfitted with thrusters small engines used
to position it in space. They contain the toxic rocket fuel hydrazine,
which can cause harm to anyone who contacts it. Officials have said
there is about 1,000 pounds of propellent on the satellite.

Known by its military designation US 193, the satellite was
launched in December 2006. It lost power and its central computer
failed almost immediately afterward, leaving it uncontrollable. It
carried a sophisticated and secret imaging sensor.

Very Disturbing. I think they should have just tried this first and then told us if it failed, otherwise just kept it on the down low. I think by not giving odds of success they are saying, "The odds are just about as good as Bruce Willis' team of roughnecks saving the world by digging a giant hole in a meteor to place a nuclear bomb which was detonated just as the ship of survivors escaped, yet oddly the blast did not harm the ship or it's trajectory." I should just not read the internets.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Totally Random

2008-02-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

How come my dog will only poop on fresh snow? There are 8.2 million inches of snow out there but he has to find the unwalked on, previously unpooped upon snow. That's just weird. And annoying. All the dogs at work like to pee and poop on everyone else's poop. Which is really gross. And if you're not a dog person, I'm sorry to spring that upon you. Dogs are wonderful, but nasty if you know them too well.

I was so tired when I went to work today I really thought that I shouldn't be driving. Don't worry, I only have about 1/4 mile to go. Three right turns. But still.

I'm probably going to have to have my tonsils out. I am not looking forward to it. Unless it means great weight loss. That would be good.

Today Deacon and I have an appointment at the Waisman Center. He is one of their guinea pigs. They do really cool research on language acquisition in infants. It's fun and he gets a book. He loves books. I am kinda bummed that I scheduled it for today because Bill Clinton is speaking at the Stock Pavilion today and I loves me some Bill. Although there is no parking there. And I'm probably not voting for Hilary. But still. It's Bill.

Zac wrote a new blog last night on myspace. Not sure how to link to it. It's really creepy because it is almost identical to my Grammy rant. And he doesn't read this blog. Maybe we really do share a brain. Come on science - study us. For a fee of course.

Apparently there is a big snow coming. But it's thankfully not here yet. But I'm sure it will start just in time for me to have to drive in it. I really hate driving in snow. Not because I don't know how to drive in it, but because of the SUV driving morons that think 4WD imbues your car with magical anti snow powers. You know these drivers. The ones that are constantly on their cell phones driving 30 mph over the speed limit. If you are one of these drivers I say, "hell yes I mean to offend you! Quit putting other peoples' lives in danger you jackass!"

So it's Valentine's Day and I don't care. I really don't give a shit. It's a Hallmark Holiday. I think you should show your significant other that you love them EVERY day, just not on a designated day. Valentine's day makes no logical sense to me. And those jewelry commercials: "You are a total assclown Mr. Man if you do not buy your lady $1K worth of diamonds." Those piss me off. I like jewelry, but I would rather have $1K of shit from the Apple Store. Actually, I'd rather just have $1K.

That About Sums It Up

2008-02-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

We beat the record. And it's still snowing...

The Grammys

2008-02-11T11:58:00.000-08:00

Ok, cool. This is gonna make blogging so much more convenient.

So I forgot Pride and Prejudice was on last night because I was watching the Grammys. I'm not really one for epic love stories but everyone says I should watch P&P. Zac was reminded of Master P's Theatre's version which made me laugh but I digress.

The Grammys: What a waste of 3 1/2 hours. I do realize it was the 50th anniversary but it was really not cool to showcase old people like that. I do honor their contributions to music but I was especially creeped out by Jerry Lee Lewis singing "Great Balls of Fire." NOBODY on earth wants to see a 150 year old man singing about his great balls. That just felt like "let's make fun of the old guy" and was really sad. I did like Little Richard's hair. Zac commented that it looked like a cake decoration. He has a great makeup artist.

And Amy Winehouse. I apologize in advance if you are a fan of her or her idiotic song "Rehab." For the LONGEST time I thought that song was by a man. An African American man, not a skinny white chick. And Amy, your daddy is wrong. You're not fine. Nobody thinks you are fine. You were clearly on something last night. Pills maybe? I couldn't tell. That is not a good song, she is not a good singer, and it's not a good idea to celebrate drug abuse and lunacy by giving out awards. And I'm generally a fan of lunacy to a certain degree anyway.

I think I might offend all music fans with this one: Bruce Springsteen. I don't get him. Maybe you have to be from New Jersey to understand, I'm not sure. I kinda liked his song "Streets of Philadelphia" but I have a pretty good handle on what is cool in music today and Bruce Springsteen is not, nor has he been relevant for several years. I don't understand why the RIAA feels the need to repeatedly nominate people just on their "you are supposed to like them because they are apparently awesome"ness. It's not cool. I can think of at least 20 records from last year that were more deserving of accolades than his.

I think everyone is capable of winning a Grammy and I am already working on my song for next year. When the boring guy (which one?) told me that there were 400 Grammys awarded in 104 categories I knew that I have a good chance. I'm only slightly kidding. I noticed on their ticker that "Hawaiian music album" is a category. That's just weird. Why isn't there a "Most Awesome Minneapolis Band" category. Or a "Best SoCal Punk" category? There is NO Punk category - it's all lumped into "Alternative" which is just far too broad and undefined. There is a metal category and some kick ass bands such as Machine Head and Shadows Fall were nominated. But Slayer won for a song off of "Christ Illusion." I think that's pretty funny. And awesome. I missed some parts of the show and I'm not sure if that was an on camera thing but I would have been really satisfied to see Kerry Fucking King accept an award.

I started to get bored when Tony Bennett started talking. I was looking in the crowd and noticed that Usher was too. I like Tony Bennett to a certain degree. I REALLY like Alec Baldwin as Tony Bennett. But I am not sure he is deserving of all the praise laid upon him. Maybe if you live long enough you become amazingly talented and awesome regardless of your contributions to society. Something to chew on.

My favorite moment of the evening was the brief yet noticeable death stare that Beyonce gave to Rihanna when she and Jay-Z won for "Umbrella." Rihanna kinda grabbed him when they went up to accept their award. It was flirty. I wouldn't fuck with Beyonce. She seems like she could take you out. Easily.

Anyway, that's it. I can't wait until the Oscars - less than two weeks away - to make fun of more people SUPPOSEDLY more talented than the rest of us.

Long Time No Post

2008-02-11T11:05:00.000-08:00

Things have been busy. We went up to Zac's sister's wedding reception and it was, well... interesting. Good trip though. Now we're trying to get Zac a job in Superior so we can move. I've been here too long and while I will miss everyone, it's way beyond time to go somewhere new. Gonna try to keep up on this blog. I'm trying the Firefox scribefire and I want to see if it works. If so, then you're all gonna have to deal with whatever random weirdness pops into my head as this makes it so much easier. I have plenty to say. I will do so in the near future.

Ferber

2007-09-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

So I broke down and bought it today. It's kind of difficult to implement a sleep training program when you only know bits and pieces and haven't actually read the book. He napped in his swing and I read the parts about kids who can't get themselves to sleep. It was interesting. It's not as scary as CRY IT OUT sounds. And since he is already used to putting himself to sleep in his own room by himself (albeit in the swing), I am hoping that the transition won't be too difficult. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I think I'm going to start it on Tuesday. We will both be home to keep each other from freaking out. I was going to start Monday but I think I'll be in Milwaukee. Not sure. It's all going to depend on who can drive.

Deacon is now chilling in his bedroom listening to Neko Case. What a cool kid!

Today we also went to Westfield's so I could pick up comics and something else I have had my eye on. Not for us, it's a birthday gift so I will speak of it no further. But it kicks total ass. Now I just have to get mine to the post office.

Day Nine of not smoking. It's not really getting easier. The habit ones are still yelling at me. I think I will always be one of those people who look at others smoking with lust in their hearts. Oh well. I can breathe and smell and my lungs are repairing themselves. And that is a good thing. I just hope the habits start to fade. I know they will but the waiting is the hardest part.

Day Seven

2007-09-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

I made it to day seven. I really want a cigarette too. Badly. But I will survive.

The patch makes you have some crazy ass lucid dreams so that is a fun bonus. For example, I was playing hide and seek in some creepy haunted castle with some people I went to high school with for awhile last night. And then Jay-Z showed up and told us to get the hell out of his house. WTF? I also briefly sang karaoke with some minor tv celebrities a couple of nights ago. It's like pregnant dreaming (well in a way). So bizarre.

Today's naptime was enough to make you want to go buy a carton though. Jesus, that kid would not sleep. He ended up screaming for about 10 minutes until he passed out. That sucked. Big time. I had to do it too because he was so tired he was crying whether I held and rocked him or put him down. Didn't matter. And grandma is coming today and that is always good for getting us off our schedule. *Sigh* At least she's going to watch him so I can do a good deep bathroom cleaning. That desperately needs to be done. It's really hard to do that with Curious George following you around and a husband who works 13 days in a row. So yay for being able to clean.

Wow, my life has become really boring, hasn't it. Oh well, Roller Derby starts again soon and that means I get to have a social life once a month.

Angel, After the Fall

2007-09-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

Has been announced for November. Kinda season six-ish. How I am just hearing about this now, I don't know. Go here: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/34064 for a look at the first few pages. I am so excited I could pee.

Supernatural Season 2

2007-09-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

Is helping me to stay awake at night while my child is not sleeping. Sorry, the fifteen year old girl in me had to post the above pic for your viewing pleasure. If you're not watching this show, start. It's awesome. It's scary and fun, and I'm quite jaded about scary so please watch this season and keep the show on the air. There is a comic too - kind of a 'what happened after the opening events of season 1' thing. It's fun too. Read it. Just read comics, people.

I am caught up on the Walking Dead now. The fact that it has a 'holy crap' factor at the end of nearly every book makes Robert Kirkman a genius. And I loves me some zombies - in film and literature. And this book is the best by a long shot (and that includes the brilliant Shaun of the Dead). It's just as much about the relationships between the people who have thus far survived as it is about the surviving itself. And nobody and nothing is off limits. Read it already, come on, how many times do I have to tell you to? :)

I also caught up on Buffy. I am a silly fangirl and I am loving Season 8. And I think (blashpemy ahead) Brian K. Vaughan has nailed Faith and Giles to the point where I am already enjoying his arc more than Joss Whedon's. GASP you say. It's true, I am loving it.

Deacon is actually napping today. I am getting The No Cry Sleep Solution from paperbackswap.com (go there please) so we will be giving that a try before I resort to Ferber. I realize that jillions of children have cried it out since the dawn of time, but 1) I live in a condominium complex with neighbors and 2) not a big fan of teaching my child that his needs don't matter. Now you can argue with me all you want but in my opinion (OPINION) he is still too young to just cry. I'm not ready to piss him off yet. And maybe I'm setting us up for years of therapy but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Also having a nervous breakdown about my fantasy football team today. Jesus, that is a stressful hobby. It sucks more when you have more to prove because you are the only girl in a league of guys. I should be used to that being the only chick who reads comics (in my day to day life anyway). Ahhh, being a hot chick with superpowers is not easy. Mwahahahahaha!

OK, off to dig out New Avengers, Cap, Mighty Avengers, Justice League, Green Lantern, etc. so I can get further caught up on my reading. Maybe World War Hulk too. Zac is loving it but Josh from Westfield's - not so much. Heh, I might even get to listen to podcasts tonight! Yay for naps and yay me!!!

Halloween Preview

2007-09-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

Well he wasn't all that cooperative but here is a sneak peek at Deacon's Halloween costume. Who knew Cap drove a cozy coupe?

I was just thinking

2007-09-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

About last year at this time.

1 year ago I had just gotten home from the hospital and I was learning how to take care of a new baby. I was lucky if I was getting two hours of sleep at a time. I was super excited and super scared because it was all so new and newborn babies are awesome and terrifying. It's just so amazing how much things have changed and how quickly it went. I have been thinking about all of the new mommies and the girls that will soon be mommies and I want them to know that even though it is really hard and you are so sleep deprived, MEMORIZE every second of it. I look at those pictures and I can't believe it is the same kid! I have a toddler now, not a baby. Wherever did the time go? It's wonderful to watch your child grow up but it's kinda bittersweet.

I'm Doing Okay Today

2007-09-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

Made it through the first day which is the toughest. Day 3 sucks too so I should have an okay day today. I'm glad I got the patch because I'm not a raving lunatic or jonesin' so bad I can't think of anything else. I can do this.

Went to get comics yesterday. I am so far behind on them. The only book I'm caught up on is The Walking Dead. That book rocks. If you like zombies, even if you don't like comics, you would LOVE the story. I am not even caught up on Buffy but I hope to catch up during naptime later today. I'm not even up to date on Cap!!! What the hell is wrong with me? I need to spend less time on the internet, or painting my toenails, or wasting time in general and get reading. I can't even listen to iFanboy or Comic Geek Speak because it will be full of spoilage. Damn, I miss being caught up on my comics.

In Deacon news, he is now running. It is awesome and scary. I'm totally going to have to get one of those leashes. The kid is FAST! Maybe he will grow up to be a triathelete or some such. I've never known a little man who could bolt like that. Maybe these extra pounds will finally come off. It's a nice day today so I should set him loose in the backyard this afternoon. After we go buy our jillionth pack of D batteries for the swing that is. I don't know what I'm going to do in a pound or two after he is too big for it.

Which brings me to sleep training. Last night kiddo took a nap at 6:30 and therefore was up until midnight. Last night I didn't mind because I had an episode of Top Chef to watch and I also bought season 2 of Supernatural because I need something to watch when we are up until the buttcrack of dawn. Sleep is a huge issue in this house. Once he's asleep, he sleeps well, but getting him there at a reasonable hour is a problem. I'm experimenting with different naptimes or cutting one out altogether, but see above for how that is working out for me. I KNOW I should have started a method long ago, but I really wasn't ready for that kind of independence. I loved the rocking part. Snuggle time. But now I am screwed. I can't find The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers anywhere, and I think we're too late for the baby whisperer or Dr. Sears' method (also we are not cosleepers - he was never interested). And I'm scared to Ferberize him. I think he might be a CIO kid and I just don't know how we can handle that. We have neighbors you know. So if anyone has any good ideas for me that would be great. I will take any suggestions you might have.

Some Tough Things

2007-09-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

There are two kinds of women in this world - those that give birth and get their figures back relatively quickly and those that have an "I just gave birth" belly forever. Unfortunately for me, I fall into the latter category. Deacon and I are taking a mom and me swimming class this winter and I really needed to buy a swimsuit. And because of the above belly, I wasn't going to spend a jillion dollars on a swimsuit. So I found one for 90% off today and it's cute enough - a tankini but one that covers the right areas, a fat girl tankini. But damn that was painful.

I also requit smoking today. I really didn't want to post about it but I smoked all last week because I love smoking and "it wasn't a good week to quit." Hate to break the news to you self, but it's never a good week to quit. So I'm doing much better today. The patch is helping alot. I know that I will succeed, I'm in a much better frame of mind and have net support from quit assist. Zac quit too. And the financial rewards will be immediate even if it's going to take me a few weeks to quit coughing up a lung and thinking about how much I want a cigarette. I rock because I am a non smoker now.

Deacon's Birthday Party

2007-09-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well you couldn't have asked for a more perfect day weather wise. And the swarms of mosquitoes miraculously stayed away. And there was only one bee for Zac to wig out about. The guest of honor decided the night before that sleep was for wussies and was up from 12:30-4:45 am. Luckily Daddy stayed up with him so I could function at the party. Deacon was very well behaved, I couldn't believe it. He was fantastic. Daddy managed to operate on a normal level despite being sleep deprived too.

It was a huge turnout. Thank you to everyone who came early to help out and those who made food and everyone who came. You guys rock. The food was amazing, it was great to visit with everyone (however briefly I may have been able to), and the gifts were overwhelming. Thank you so much.

We managed to get everyone and everything home in one piece. We finally got everything put away and assembled by 7:30. Deacon refused to nap and was a pill but at least he behaved when it mattered!!! I got him to sleep by nine and he actually slept all night long. He is teething too. Thank you Tylenol.

Heroes

2007-09-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

Bob from the comic shop had been taping it for me but I never got around to watching the second half of the season. Yesterday we went on a total nerdathon and watched the last ten episodes. Yes, you read that right, TEN. Of course there were alot of pauses to chill with our son and go grocery shopping so it took roughly 18 hours, but we did it. The reason for this is my little Kristen Bell, aka Veronica Mars, will be joining the cast for a multi episode story arc.

I thought that the first half of the season kind of sucked so I was very hesitant, but the second half rocked. It was nice to see good character development and decent cliffhangers.

I hope the second season is good too and doesn't pull a season six of 24. Man that show sucked last year.

Anniversary

2007-09-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the anniversary of the night I almost died. So it's not like I'll be going to sleep early tonight, not without pharmaceutical assistance. I remember how sick I felt, but I thought that's just how you felt after having a baby. This was way before I psychotically took my temperature (which I haven't done for a few months, but every now and then it creeps up on me). I just took it for granted that I was okay. I may have been alerted to the fact that I was sick as hell prior to waking up hyperventilating in septic shock. That was the worst thing ever, the worst week of my life by far. I never want to see the inside of a hospital ever again. Which is why I am thinking no more babies for me. Meriter has kick ass food and awesome L&D and ICU nurses if you ever have the pleasure of going there, but they also release their OB patients septic from time to time, so be wary of that. The fact that Zac held it together with a brand new baby amazes me. The fact that they told me that they thought I was going to die amazes me. *I* knew I wasn't going to die. The ambulance guys (while hot, Fitchburg has the hottest cops, firemen, and EMTs on the planet) thought I was having a panic attack. Yeah, with a 104 degree temperature dudes. Your job is to transport me and keep me alive, not speculate on my condition. The male nurses in the ER were super shitty to me, wish I'd thought to get their names. I remember how scared I was when I saw Dr. Ogden's face. I knew it was bad but at that point I was pissed because they had just released me and clearly I was freakin' sick. I kept wondering why they were telling me that I needed someone with me. Zac couldn't be there for obvious reasons and I kept thinking that my mom freaking out was not going to be good for either of us. So I went it alone. I gotta remember what a tough superchick I am when I am wigging out over little stuff. Zac told me he never even thought of the possibility of what could happen, even though he didn't hear about my condition for almost five hours (I wouldn't have been able to be patient that long). I think the force of our wills helped to save me. And the kick ass medical staff of the University of Wisconsin. And massive amounts of antibiotics.

Anyway, it's a night of reflection. And hopefully one where one or both of us (me and the triple Deke) will sleep.

Some Things

2007-09-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Deacon turned one on Thursday. It was a low key but fun day. I can't believe how fast this year went. We were reminiscing about his birth and a whole year made it seem less scary than it actually was. Deacon got a purple shovel (among other things) from my mom and it is the BEST. TOY. EVER. I don't think he has put it down since he got it. He just keeps walking around the house with his shovel. He tried to brush Dante with it. I need to get it on video. Next Saturday is his birthday party. I'm a little stressed about all that I need to do but very excited. Hope the weather is nice and it should be lots of fun. He's walking all over the place now. He's doing so well. I think running is in our near future. Yay for that. It will be good exercise for both of us.

I think I'm doing a little better on my new meds. I'm on an increased dose of abilify. Think I need to go up to 15 (at 10 right now). If that doesn't work then I start a completely different one which probably also costs eighty million dollars a month, but hey, whatever works.

I quit smoking today. I haven't had a cigarette in 12 hours which is awesome for me. I am using the patch. I am the idiot that quit the entire time I was pregnant and then started again. So far, so good. I really wanted one when I woke up but that's faded. At first the adhesive on the patch was bothering me but that has faded too. I already feel like I can breathe better. I hope I really do it this time. I know that I can, I quit cold turkey when pregnant. This time I have help. I am dreading the process but eager for the results so I think I'll be fine. Zac quit too (but I think he's smoking at work today - don't think he slapped a patch on this morning). Just need to take better care of myself and have all the reasons in the world for quitting, so wish me luck and keep me motivated. This week will be the hardest. After that it will be okay. I love smoking, LOVE it. Wish cigarettes were good for you and didn't make you look like a loser. But that's just retarded so I need to get over it.

Last night was hellacious. The cats kept me awake most of the night, Deacon woke up at 3:30 and thought it was party time. I fed him and he slept in his swing the rest of the night. Coffee is helping but I hope I don't have a repeat tonight.

Old Friends

2007-08-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

An old friend of mine, a guy I dated a long time ago, passed away on 8/22. He had brain cancer and fought valiantly. Cancer sucks, and it really sucks when it takes away someone who is only 35 years old.

His wake and service was last night. It was a nice and peaceful occasion. There were tears, and they were sad tears, but there was also laughter, and I think that is very healing.

It kinda felt Big Chillish. It was so sad to be together for such an awful occasion, but it was really great to see old friends. One thing that struck me about this group was that even though we hadn't seen each other in years, it felt like moments. Nobody skipped a beat. Another thing was, when did we all get so old? Jeez, time flies. Most people have children, have been married for years, some have much less hair than they did the last time I saw them. It was weird. And good. It was nice to realize that all these people still love each other, and think of each other often, even though life and miles separate many of us.

One thing I want to take away from this is be kind to the people around you. Let them know how much they mean to you. Don't hold grudges and let petty disagreements keep you apart. You never know how much time you have on this earth and you want to make sure you make the most of it.

Safe journey, Mike. We will miss you.

He's Walking

2007-08-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

He's doing so much better too. I'm so happy that he can finally get around and tire himself out a bit more. And tire me out a bit more too.

My stupid car is still not fixed and I'm going stir crazy although we still made it to playgroup this week (Deacon does not play well with others STILL - does anybody know when they start to figure that out better? It's embarassing). We also went to meet an old high school friend and her brand new baby for coffee and mall walking which was therapeutic. I like my playgroup moms but Caprise is COOL. You know, like she likes the same music I do and her child has punk rock onesies. So it was great to see her. And her adorable little daughter is teeny tiny. I can't beleive Deacon was ever that small. I also joined the Madison Hip Mamas - hopefully we will meet some cool people there although it sounds like most of the kids are significantly older than Deacon. It's all good if the moms are cool - they do moms night out too. Not that I need them for that, I have my ladies.

I've got most of my supplies for Deacon's first birthday, just going to run to Party City to pick up some supplementary material. He is having a Nemo party because my neighbor hooked me up with leftovers from her son's party. It's all good. I can't believe the party is three weeks away. Time really does fly.

20 Days

2007-08-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

Until Deacon's first birthday. I am of course elated and at the same time a little freaked out. I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. Last year at this time I was on bedrest, worried he would come early, unsure of how much my life was going to change. Then he came and I understood what everyone meant when they said you can't possibly imagine how much love you possess until you have a child.

Zac and I have been looking back over the past year in awe of all of the things we have done and learned. From those first days when I was so sick and everything aside from having a new baby was so terrifying, to the next few months of learning to function on very little sleep. Watching a baby grow into a toddler is like being part of a fascinating sociological experiment. I had no idea how much temperament and personality is hardwired into a person. I'm really glad I got one of the happy, resilient, tenacious, active ones. He really is a joy. I'm glad he picked me.

Ugh. Cars.

2007-08-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

So my car has been in the shop for awhile. It was leaking coolant from somewhere. Turns out it is the intake manifold gasket and that combined with everything else that needs to get done is going to cost me roughly $600. I have $400. I mean, I have $600 but it was earmarked for other things. Crap. I'm going to have to go through all of my baby crap and fake designer handbags and do some craigslist fundraising.

The I-35 bridge had me all freaked out. It is only blocks away from where my SIL lives. They were all home and okay. Bill used to take that way home from work but with the construction had been taking an alternate route. Noel takes that way with the boys all the time because they like to look at the construction machinery. Thank the gods that they weren't out at that time. It's terrifying because being submerged in the Mississippi is not a good way to go. I feel so bad for all of those people. How completely tragic. It is hard to watch on TV. Minnesotans are good, normal, midwestern people. It just is unfathomable that something like this could happen.

It's hotter than Dutch Love (as my friend Kerry would say - yes I know it's a dutch oven but I'm not going to correct her. It's damn cute) here today. Deacon went for a little swim in his teeny tiny swimming pool today. I'm glad he's a splasher - it felt good.

Deacon has been balancing so much better and randomly standing in the middle of the room and taking a step here and there. I am so excited for him to walk! I hope it is soon!

KITTIES

2007-07-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

My son loves cats. He likes Dante but he is crazy for cats. Especially Oona. Now that he is getting more mobile, I feel like I am constantly chasing him chasing her. He also laughs maniacally at her. Poor kitty. She hides much of the day behind the couch or in the bedroom. I am glad that he is a cat person though. Maybe he will grow up to become a feline veterinarian. I'm kind of hoping for NHL star though.

Today we had a 'singing day.' It seems like on days when the teething is really bad, all he wants me to do is hold him, sing to him, and dance. Martina McBride really does it for him which is good because I love to sing her songs. It's good that he is too little to realize that I will never be your American Idol! But we had a good time.

Deacon is 11 months old today. Where has the time gone? I can't believe that in 31 days we will be celebrating his first birthday. I really have to get on the party plans. I did manage to address all of the invites and print off maps today. Now I just have to buy supplies which are quite the racket if you want the cute 1st birthday ones. I'll have to go searching the dollar store. He doesn't care.

In other good news: creepy neighbor has been kicked off a youth group board that he had been on due to the news of his prior assault conviction. Yay! Keeping this weirdo away from kids is a good thing. Maybe he will just move because it's getting harder and harder to be around children. I did notice that he has a bike rack on his car though. Ish. I'm sure the cops have noticed that too. What a loser.

Someone needs a bath, better take care of that now.

I'm so charming

2007-07-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

There are new neighbors moving in downstairs. They are two college girls and their parents bought them a condo. I KNOW. Anyway, they're cute and look like they're barely 18. One of them has a hot boyfriend, so yay for eye candy. Anyway, I was out with Dante who took two giant poops in front of them. Then I realized I had to send my Netflix back and wanted to get them out before my weirdo autistic mailman got here. They looked at me all weird and said Hi. Then I got back in the house, checked on Deacon who is still sleeping (on schedule, thank you powers that be), and realized I had a beetle in my hair right on top of my head. Not a super icky beetle - a little one - but a gross bug nonetheless. Since I don't believe in insecticide unless absolutely necessary, I took a sticky note and let him go back outside. But awesome. You never get a second chance to make a first impression and now I will forever be known as the lady with the pooping dog and a beetle in her hair. Sweet.

Awesome

2007-07-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

I really miss the empty lot across the street from our place. It was gorgeous - 20 acres and it kind of looked like Ireland - all hilly and green. Last summer they decided it was a good idea to build a new McNeighborhood there. I was really upset at first - it had been a great place to walk with Dante and it was filled with marsh grass and big interesting rocks. You could cut right through to the park (although the park was rather ghetto at the time). Then I realized my property value was likely to go up dramatically and that was some comfort. It took them a really long time - they started building the new road in March and I jokingly told Zac that we would have a baby before they were finished. The day we brought Deacon home from the hospital was the day they completed the road. Nice. Then the new houses started going up, and it wasn't just a few of them. They crammed these houses in like I've never seen before. I personally wouldn't pay over $250K for a house with less yard than I have at a multi unit condo, but maybe some people hate mowing. Or enjoy looking into their neighbor's bedrooms. They are honestly about two feet away from each other.

Then I started thinking that maybe these people would have young children. They did revamp the park after all so perhaps we could find some playdate buddies. There is a couple with a 1 year old fairly close so that's nice. About 2 weeks ago, they finished the house directly across the street. Zac noticed that they had a young son - probably a year older than mine. I was super stoked. Then they finished moving in. The last two nights they have had loud drunken people on their front porch until all hours. Last night I heard crazy alcohol fueled racial slurs coming from across the street. If you don't know me, I live in a very diverse neighborhood - maybe they should have checked that out prior to moving in. If that keeps up, they're going to have alot of broken windows - or worse. They were so loud that Dante was getting restless and starting to growl. I have enough problems getting Deacon to sleep without that going on until the butt crack of dawn. I am hoping this is just a 'thanks for helping me move' thing and not a 'we like to party all summer' situation. I don't think they've seen Zac up close yet though. That should help. So, yay and boo for new neighbors. This ought to be interesting.

Eat eat eat, eat eat eat, eating eating food

2007-07-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Elmo sings that song (to the tune of Jingle Bells). Before I had kids I thought Elmo was pure evil. That high pitched baby talk voice completely wigged me out. However I totally get it now. Deacon loves Elmo. I seriously need to buy some Elmo because aside from him, the only time I can ever get him to chill for a few minutes is when we are watching Once More With Feeling. Thank the powers that be for Joss Whedon's musical masterpiece.

Unfortunately, we're having an "I can't sit still for a second" day today. I'm really tired. And so is Oona. Poor cat - he loves her so much but doesn't know how to be gentle with her so she has run around this tiny little place of ours all day long trying to find a nice place to sit by herself. Neither Buffy nor Elmo can buy me five seconds today.

Over Here Now

2007-07-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

I'm still keeping my LJ but mama needs to eat so we'll be blogging over here too. Things have been interesting lately. Deacon is the most high energy kid I have ever met in my life. I used to work in daycare way back when and I seriously do not remember those children being like this. I am so happy that he is a delightful, interesting, active boy but man am I tired. The house is mostly babyproofed but he is so into books he keeps pulling them off the shelves. I am constantly amused by what he chooses. Current favorites include Dante's Inferno and Shakespeare's Sonnets. I should start reading them to him. Well, perhaps not The Inferno!! Ten months sure has gone by fast. I can't believe that at the end of next month he will be one. It happened in the blink of an eye.